Like many people today, I have a strong reliance on my smartphone. It serves as my lifeline for staying connected with friends, jotting down ideas, creating shopping lists, and managing my finances. However, there’s one feature I’d rather avoid: the phone call.
Sure, having kids makes it tricky to have a conversation on the phone, but my aversion goes beyond that. I don’t just dislike it—I genuinely detest it. If you were to ask me my top three fears, they would be: falling into a pit of snakes, enduring hot yoga, and making a phone call.
Lady Grantham from Downton Abbey once famously asked if the telephone was a tool for communication or torture. I couldn’t help but exclaim at my screen, “Yes! Torture! Thank you!” I know I’m not the only one who has to mentally prepare before picking up the phone for something as simple as a doctor’s appointment or who lets incoming calls go to voicemail nearly every time. We’re a tribe of phone call avoiders, and for good reason.
Why Do We Dread Phone Calls?
The awkwardness is unbearable. While the discomfort of calling a stranger is obvious, I also find it painful to talk to those I know.
Let’s Break Down the Eight Grueling Stages of Making a Phone Call:
- The Pre-Call Procrastination
I delay making calls until it becomes absolutely unavoidable. During this agonizing wait, I chastise myself for failing to do something so simple. - The Ring of Prayer
Riiing. (Please don’t pick up.) Riiing. (Go to voicemail, please.) Riiing. (Yes, yes, I can leave a message!) - The “Oh Sweet Jesus” Pickup
“Hello?” Oh no, they answered! My mind is blank. What was I calling about again? Time to stall. “Hi! This is Taylor.” Great, they probably already know that thanks to caller ID. - The Painful Small Talk
“How are you?” “I’m good, how about you?” How long must this go on? How many questions are too many? The struggle is real. - The Blind Transition
It feels like an eternity has passed, and now I must shift to the reason for my call, which I can’t even recall at this point. There are no visual cues here, just an endless awkward pause before I blurt out, “So…I’m calling because…” - The Simultaneous Talking Two-Step
For a brief moment, everything flows smoothly, but then we both start talking at the same time. Cue the awkward apologies. It’s nauseating. - The “So anywaaayyy…” Wrap-Up
Ending a call is a mystery. I want to scream, “Are you done? Because I am!” Instead, I resort to saying, “So, anywaaayyy…” followed by a vague excuse to leave. - The “Who Goes First?” Hang-Up
Someone has to drop the cue to hang up. “Okay, it was nice talking to you.” “You too. Talk to you later.” “Right, later.” (Didn’t they just say that?) “Bye.” “Mmmbye.” Why do I always say that?
If you are someone who enjoys phone calls, you might be scratching your head at my complaints. I’m firmly in the camp of those who prefer text, email, or even a carrier pigeon when it comes to communication. It’s far less stressful and allows me to express myself more clearly. For the love of all things, please just text me, message me, or email me, but don’t call.
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In summary, phone calls are an anxiety-inducing experience for many, and it’s perfectly okay to prefer other forms of communication. Embrace your preferences and let’s keep the conversation going via text or email!