Back in my college days, I was part of the university’s swim team. With the intensity of competitive athletics, my teammates and I often leaned on a motto to push through grueling practices and tough times: “stay hard.” This phrase suggested a commitment to physical and emotional resilience, whether that meant enduring long training sessions or navigating the ups and downs of college life. Being referred to as “hard” was a badge of honor, symbolizing strength, confidence, and independence.
However, I’ve come to realize that I’m not inherently “hard.” I have a sensitive spirit, often feeling the weight of others’ struggles and wanting to help everyone around me. I cry easily, replay past interactions in my mind, and sometimes take things too personally. In short, I’m more of a softie.
Throughout my childhood and into my early adult years, I attempted to toughen up this softness, believing it was a flaw. Society constantly bombarded me with messages to stop crying, grow a thick skin, and toughen up. I tried to suppress my sensitivity, seeking to adopt an indifferent facade. But deep down, I realized that I didn’t want to harden myself. I want to embrace my softness and, more importantly, I want my children to do the same.
The challenge we face is that we live in a society that often encourages us to be tough. It’s easier to navigate a world of absolutes and black-and-white scenarios when you don’t let emotions in. When you’re hard, you don’t have to empathize deeply or worry about issues outside your personal bubble. You can avoid the pain that comes with caring.
But living with a soft heart—one that feels everything intensely—can be daunting. It requires a conscious effort to remain open and compassionate in a world that often feels chaotic and overwhelming. I’ve made a deliberate choice to cultivate softness, and I want to instill that same value in my children.
Recently, my youngest son asked me why wealthy individuals don’t just share their money with homeless people, so everyone could have food and shelter. I smiled and affirmed his kind-hearted nature, recognizing the beauty in his innocence. I chose not to dive into the complexities of societal issues or the debates around capitalism and socialism. Instead, I wanted him to retain that belief in kindness and compassion, as it is desperately needed in today’s world.
Everywhere our children turn, they are bombarded with messages to toughen up and build emotional walls. But let’s be clear: the world needs more empathy, tenderness, and connection, not more hardness. We should strive to build bridges rather than walls. Our children don’t need to be tough; they should embrace their innate softness and love.
So, I will encourage my sons to express their emotions and care deeply. I will remind them to always choose kindness—more than is necessary. In a world that often tries to harden us, the most powerful thing we can do is to remain soft and compassionate.
For more insights on nurturing emotional intelligence in our children, be sure to check out this post on Teaching Emotional Resilience. And if you’re considering home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable kits to help you on your journey. Additionally, this CDC resource is an excellent guide for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In a world that often pressures us to be tough, it’s vital to embrace our softness and nurture that trait in our children. By encouraging empathy, compassion, and emotional expression, we can help them navigate life’s challenges while staying connected to their hearts.