Parenting
I once considered myself somewhat trendy, which may not mean much coming from a small tourist town nestled in the Black Hills of South Dakota. But back in the day, I was in-the-know about what was hot in my neck of the woods—oh yes, indeed! Safety pins adorning the insides of my jeans? Check. Mountain Dew for lunch every single day? Check. The Indigo Girls on repeat? Check. Polo shirts and bodysuits? You bet. I rocked embellished denim jackets, towering bangs, and fringe boots—truly, I was living the cool life.
Fast forward many years, and the crushing realization that I may never grasp what’s considered cool again has slowly settled in. I’ve come to accept this reality. My brain simply can’t process certain trends, like how my beloved ’80s fashion has made a comeback. I recognize it but can’t bring myself to revisit those styles—and honestly, I don’t think anyone wants me to.
Here are some things I’ve realized I’m just not trendy enough for anymore:
The Wild World of Vagina Trends
Bleaching, vajazzling, steaming, plumping, jade eggs—what even is this? Honestly, I can’t keep pace with the latest in mainstream fashion, let alone the bizarre trends involving intimate care. My vagina and I are just fine, thank you very much. Please, step away with your glue and rhinestones.
Top 40 Music
Thanks to Pandora, I’ve curated my own music playlist, which means my kids will grow up believing the radio only plays snooze-worthy tunes. Spotify might be the trendier option, but at least I’m familiar with this setup. I enjoy my mellow music in my sunlit home. If I ever attempt to listen to a hip-hop track, I feel like my grandmother, gasping, “Can they really say that?” It’s a bit sad, I admit.
The Lingo
Oh my gosh, I just used the term “lingo.” That’s what elderly folks say, right? I feel utterly ridiculous, but at least I’m not throwing around words like lit or #goals. I still cringe when I remember my mom adopting the word “awesome” like it was the coolest thing ever.
Tech Trends
You lost me at Snapchat. I can barely keep up with Facebook (which is decidedly not cool), Instagram, and Twitter. Beyond that, I’m lost. Reddit? Tumblr? Nope. Just no.
Arm Tattoos
This isn’t entirely off the table for me, according to my Pinterest searches. But if you’re browsing for arm tattoos on Pinterest, are you really one of the cool kids?
Ironic Glasses
I’m far too close to needing reading glasses, which I’ll inevitably misplace around the house like all my older relatives do. Thank you very much!
Understanding Trends Like Dabbing or Planking
I don’t get it, and I probably never will. Let’s move on.
Makeup
Watching makeup tutorials, mastering contouring like Kim Kardashian, or subscribing to makeup boxes? I only know the basics like foundation and eyeliner, or if I’m feeling fancy, a bit of mascara and lip gloss. Just watching others put on makeup overwhelms me.
Instagram OOTD Photos
When I first stumbled across “OOTD,” I had to Google its meaning—definitely not a good sign. And trust me, no one wants to see my black leggings and oversized sweatshirt for two weeks straight.
All the Other Stuff
There’s so much out there that I’m not hip enough to even know about.
I’ve made peace with my lack of trendiness. I gladly pass the baton to my kids, who will soon be mortified by my outdated slang. That should be a blast. In my desperate quest for what’s cool, I did discover that online shopping and binge-watching Netflix are still in, so I’ll take credit for those at least. Totes.
For more on navigating the world of home insemination and parenting, check out this helpful resource at UCSF’s Center, and if you’re considering at-home options, CryoBaby offers reputable kits to assist. And for additional insights, take a look at our post on online shopping and parenting.