“Raising children is rewarding, but the journey never truly gets easier.” – A Wise Parent
As someone who often dives into memoirs, I frequently encounter heart-wrenching stories of childhoods impacted by parental missteps. Each story heightens my own parental anxiety, leaving me to ponder, what will my children reveal in their therapy sessions someday? But then I remind myself that if they seek help, I must have done something right. I celebrate every small victory in this parenting journey.
Time is a remarkable educator, and many professions become more manageable with experience. However, parenting defies this trend. While I may have mastered the art of caring for an infant or a toddler, just as I began to feel comfortable, the needs of my children shifted dramatically.
There was once a time when it seemed unfathomable that my children could ever exist without my constant presence. I longed for the day when they could feed and bathe themselves. That day arrived when both of my kids passed their swimming tests at the local pool, granting them the freedom to swim without my watchful eye. It was a taste of independence, a herald of a new chapter.
Now, at ages 9 and 11, I appreciate their growing autonomy. They are more than capable of preparing their own snacks, doing their laundry, and settling in for the night without my help. Yet, this newfound independence brings its own weight. They now look to me for guidance as they navigate the complexities of growing up in a world that can be harsh and unforgiving. They need assistance in understanding emotions, relationships, and the myriad challenges life will throw at them. The stakes are considerably higher now, and I often find myself reminiscing about those simpler times with a hint of nostalgia.
Recently, while discussing a friend who just welcomed a baby, my partner jokingly critiqued our parenting skills. “Maybe we should be giving advice,” he quipped, reflecting on our current struggles with our strong-willed children. We often joke about needing a do-over. However, I quickly countered, “We excelled at that stage.” We both agreed. Even if we didn’t realize it back then, we were effective parents of infants. I poured myself into reading parenting books and managing sleep schedules, ensuring we met each developmental milestone. I was a full-time parent, and my life revolved around nurturing those little beings.
Fast forward to today, and my children can take care of their basic needs independently. They can pack their own lunches and read quietly at night. Although they still need adult supervision in many areas, they have grown significantly in their self-sufficiency.
Just the other day, my daughter excitedly shared that their school had a “free-range kid day,” where they could make their own meals and manage their day. She beamed with pride, which made me wonder: isn’t that the ultimate goal? To raise them to make responsible choices? Yet, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of pride and anxiety.
In this evolving landscape of motherhood, I ponder what my role will become. My responsibilities have shifted, as I now juggle a full-time career and personal interests outside our home. While I hope to serve as a role model and instill a love for learning and nurturing healthy relationships, I often feel less equipped as a parent. I find myself missing or overlooking school emails and failing to register for events. The physical messes of early childhood have transformed into emotional and behavioral challenges, and I sometimes question my readiness for this more complex phase of parenting. I look back at baby pictures yearning for the simplicity of solving problems with a snuggle and a soothing lullaby.
It’s easy to romanticize my earlier devotion as a mother, thinking I was somehow “better” back then. Back then, if they slept well, ate properly, and wore clean clothes, I felt victorious. Today, measuring success is far less clear. Are they thriving as students, siblings, friends, and individuals? As they require less immediate help for basic needs, I worry if I’m still providing the guidance they need. I like to believe the foundation has been laid. I cherish the time I spent at home with them when they were entirely reliant on me. But now, as they stretch their wings, I witness their gradual foray into independence.
While I no longer have to dress and feed them, being emotionally available for my children is a demanding role. Their need for support and understanding feels far more consuming than changing diapers or late-night feedings ever were. It is challenging, requiring a heart and mind fully engaged. I must adapt to each phase of their lives, crafting our story one chapter at a time. I can only hope that someday my partner and I will look back at this stage and reflect, “What do you know? We did well during this time.”
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Summary
Motherhood is an ever-evolving journey, where challenges shift from physical care to emotional guidance. As children grow into more self-sufficient beings, parents must adapt to new roles that prioritize emotional support and life lessons. The journey may not get easier, but it remains filled with growth and profound moments of connection.