In light of a recent viral story about a young boy who wanted to cut his hair to match that of his Black friend—so their teacher couldn’t tell them apart—I found myself smiling at the innocence of childhood. It reminded me of my own childhood best friend, Mia, with whom I’ve shared a bond since we were three. We’ve always recognized our differences: she is white, and I am Black. Yet, our families taught us the value of embracing those differences, which has helped us cultivate a rich friendship that has lasted over 30 years.
As a woman of color, I am concerned about how the narrative surrounding this story has unfolded. Many have latched onto the term “privilege” because the boy’s mother suggested that making race an issue is a learned behavior. The dialogue surrounding this topic often lacks the nuance necessary for a productive conversation. Some critics claim that the boy’s desire to emulate his friend reinforces “colorblindness,” a misguided ideology that many well-meaning individuals adopt when discussing race.
While colorblindness may be present in the conversation, we must remember that social media posts rarely provide the full context of the discussions these parents have with their children. Children are perceptive; they recognize differences in skin color. The crucial question is: how are the adults in their lives guiding them to understand these differences in an age-appropriate and honest manner?
Ignoring racial differences in 2023 doesn’t prepare children for a diverse world; rather, it hinders their ability to coexist with others. It’s essential to instill the idea that differences don’t equate to superiority or inferiority. While this should be common sense, it’s a lesson that requires explicit teaching, particularly for children.
One effective approach is to model how we, as adults, engage with people of different races. Children are always watching and learning from us. It’s not sufficient to make statements like “Black lives matter” or “I care about immigrants” without demonstrating those beliefs through actions. For instance, consider investing in books and toys that feature characters from diverse backgrounds. Integrating stories that showcase everyday characters of various races into your child’s reading routine helps them connect with different experiences.
Moreover, recognizing the unique challenges that marginalized children may face is critical. Tailoring conversations to your child’s comprehension level can help them understand the issues their peers may encounter. In the case of the viral haircut story, perhaps the boy’s mother explained that while they may want to look alike, they still face different realities as they grow up. This kind of open dialogue was something Mia and I had, as she once requested a Black doll to reflect me, while I wanted a white doll to mirror her.
It’s also vital to avoid self-congratulation for being “colorblind.” Statements like “I don’t see race” don’t contribute to understanding; in fact, they often create division. Having candid conversations about racial, gender, and socioeconomic differences will help you and your child become more empathetic allies.
Race is not going anywhere; it will continue to evolve as minorities and mixed-race individuals become the majority in the coming years. Acknowledging our individual privileges is key to raising self-aware children who can be supportive friends to those unlike themselves. While unlearning ingrained beliefs is challenging for adults, it’s our responsibility to do so for the sake of future generations, ensuring they are kinder and more understanding than we were.
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In summary, the focus should be on cultivating empathy and understanding in our children rather than promoting colorblindness. By engaging in honest conversations and exposing them to diverse experiences, we can help future generations thrive in a multicultural world.