I get it—parenting is a whirlwind. I understand that it could always be worse and that there’s a silver lining in every cloud. I know this because the internet has been bombarding me with these reminders for ages, along with that cheerful retiree I met at the store, my neighbor, and the eternally optimistic preschool teacher my son had two years ago.
But honestly, I wish people would quit telling me to find the bright side in every challenging moment of parenting. I don’t need well-meaning empty nesters gazing longingly at my unruly child. Because let’s face it: some days are just hard, and it can be tough to see any light at the end of the tunnel. We don’t need others insisting that every situation has a positive spin.
I don’t fault those cheerful souls for their upbeat perspectives. It’s nice that they can look back and see the good times, and I’m genuinely glad for those who can appreciate the present. You know the type—they brush aside your complaints with a laugh or comment on your social media posts about your kids being sick, saying things like, “Enjoy every minute! They’ll grow up before you know it!” or “At least you’re not dealing with lice!”
But seriously, enough is enough. Just because we’re not fighting off creepy-crawlies doesn’t mean we aren’t knee-deep in our own struggles. It’s perfectly fine to vent about it sometimes. Sometimes, I just want the world to let me feel my emotions, whether that’s sorrow, frustration, or even despair, before I pick myself up again. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and I need to experience the full range of feelings—the highs, the lows, and everything in between.
Why Is There Societal Pressure?
Why is there this societal pressure for parents to suppress their negative emotions? If we genuinely want to cherish every aspect of parenting, doesn’t it make sense to allow ourselves to feel the lows along with the highs? After all, experiencing sadness can help us truly appreciate the joy when it comes. I want to feel justified in being annoyed when my child is throwing a tantrum, so that I can enjoy the sweetness of reconciliation when we hug it out later.
I want to cry into my pillow without feeling guilty for wishing I could escape to a deserted island for a day. The next morning, when my kids are being adorably sweet, I’ll appreciate it even more having experienced that tough night.
As a parent, I’m learning every day, and I would never tell my kids to simply shake off their feelings or that it’s wrong to feel let down. So why is it that others feel the need to insist I shouldn’t have a bad day? Why do some think that moms should never voice their struggles because they’re “#soblessed?”
Can you imagine if every time my child felt upset, I responded with, “Look on the bright side! At least you didn’t get hurt today!”? That would be absurd and pretty crummy parenting, right?
Finding Balance
That said, I recognize that a sprinkle of positivity wouldn’t hurt my outlook. I’m not naturally inclined to see the silver linings; I lean more toward pessimism. I fight daily to find the good in the chaos and to pick myself up when I feel like I’ve stumbled as a parent. I also grapple with anxiety and depression, and sometimes, venting is my way of releasing those pent-up feelings. It helps me reset and return to my kids feeling lighter and more engaged.
I love shouting, “Today is rough!” and hearing my fellow mom friends respond, “Same here!” as we share a laugh over our struggles and reassure each other that we’re doing okay. I don’t think that taking a moment to be a “Negative Nancy” makes me a bad mom. In fact, it might make me a better one because I’m showing my children that it’s okay to feel their emotions and then move forward.
Sure, there are people who have it much worse than I do. I’m grateful and aware of my blessings, and I strive to focus on the positive as much as I can. So if I need to vent about a tough day, can we just agree to let that be okay?
And when I’m an old lady, I promise I won’t say “It goes so fast!” Instead, I’ll say, “Parenting can be a challenge, huh? Don’t worry. You’re doing great, and you’ll get through it.” That’s the kind of reassurance I need right now.
Resources for Parents
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s essential to acknowledge that parenting has its ups and downs. Allowing ourselves to feel and express our frustrations can ultimately help us appreciate the joyful moments even more. We should support one another in this journey instead of insisting on a constant positive outlook.