“Your little one is a fan of Ryan too? That’s one of our go-to YouTube channels!”
I was overly enthusiastic about this. At my friend Mia’s birthday celebration, I found myself chatting with one of her coworkers, and that was how we connected — bonding over our children’s favorite online influencers. What a twist my life has taken!
Our conversation didn’t end there; it was like a gateway to deeper discussions. We dove into which videos we adore, which channels we can’t stand, and the ones we’ve banned from our homes. I felt compelled to warn everyone about those notorious Bad Baby videos because my child started acting up after watching them, and I wanted to spare others from that experience. You’re welcome, fellow parents!
What began as a simple introduction transformed into common interests, and soon enough, we found ourselves sharing an Uber ride home that night. Initially, our discussion revolved around TV shows and tattoos — you know, non-mom topics. The crowd was a mix of parents and non-parents, so we were cautious not to alienate anyone with our potty training tales. But as the night wore on and the moms remained, the floodgates opened. There’s an unspoken truth: if you gather more than three mothers, the inevitable shift to parenting discussions occurs. Right?
While I enjoyed making a new mom friend, like many parenting friendships, it likely will remain surface-level, centered around the fact that our kids may play well together for a brief moment, not because we share a profound connection outside of parenting. I’m not on the hunt for a new best friend, but it would be refreshing to chat about something other than diaper changes or sleep schedules. Sometimes, I crave adult conversations, even if it’s just sharing my obsession for Grey’s Anatomy or my newfound love for LuLaRoe.
Reflecting on my younger years, making friends was a different adventure. I yearned to connect with someone who enjoyed the same passions — books, pop music, and delicious food. Even after college, my friendships blossomed at work, driven by emotional connections. I wanted that cozy vibe, where we could unwind with a glass of wine, binge-watch TV, or gossip about the latest relationship drama, rather than discussing the ins and outs of toddler tantrums or pediatrician visits.
Even with my closest friends from pre-motherhood who are now also moms, our conversations inevitably circle back to the kids. Despite our shared history and countless memories, our connections now seem bound by the motherhood experience rather than our past.
I spend a lot of time at the local playground with my son, which has led to acquaintance-level friendships with other parents in the area. When you’re stuck outside while your child plays, casual conversation is a given. Most discussions are light — work, children, the usual. With families I’ve known for years, we might remark on how quickly our kids are growing. Yet, despite our easy rapport, we rarely consider taking our interactions beyond the sandbox.
When I meet a new mom, I often hesitate to strike up a conversation. What do I even say? “I see you’ve created a tiny human. I have too! Let’s chat while our little ones play?” Sounds awkward, right? It’s a challenge to gauge another parent’s interest. If she’s not glued to her phone, she might be open to chatting, but then there’s the tricky body language to decipher. I often feel too shy and wait for her to approach me.
One reliable way to spark a conversation is to compliment the other parent’s child. Of course, I only use this strategy if I genuinely think their kid is adorable. If I receive a “thank you” and a warm response, I’ll dive into a conversation. However, the topic usually revolves back to our children: their behaviors, interactions, and, of course, my apologies for my son’s lack of sharing skills. Being outdoors makes it easy to avoid deeper conversations.
Indoors is a different ballgame. The physical space doesn’t allow for pretending to be engrossed in your phone. Yet, awkwardness can still reign supreme. Here I go again with the “I see you’ve made a small human too. Let’s chat while they play!”
Making friends with other moms feels akin to online dating. You never really know what you’re getting into, and when you finally meet, it’s often filled with awkwardness. Where do I put my hands? Is this outfit really as ridiculous as I think? Why did I pick these pants today? Am I sniffling too much? We’ve all experienced these thoughts.
I wish I could tie this up neatly, but I’m clearly navigating these struggles. I desire friendships, yet fatigue often holds me back. I’m uncertain about when I’ll be ready for another playdate. Some days, I doubt my need for new friends altogether, simply because I’m so drained. Yes, making mom friends truly resembles the world of online dating. There’s definitely an app for that.
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In summary, the struggle to forge genuine connections as a parent can often feel challenging and awkward. Our conversations tend to revolve around our little ones, making it tricky to bond over shared interests outside of motherhood. Yet, amidst the challenges, there’s always the hope of finding those deeper connections, even if it takes a bit of effort.