Parenting Insights
By: Jessica Thornton
Date: Feb. 24, 2023
Like many new moms, I was caught completely off guard by the reality of motherhood. It’s true that no one can genuinely prepare you for the rollercoaster ride ahead, but the overwhelming physical and mental fatigue took me by surprise. There were days when I was so tired I could have dozed off while standing. Sleep was sacred to me; I would rather skip meals than lose precious sleep. I held a firm stance against bed-sharing, believing that while I love my kids dearly, I cherish my personal space even more.
About two years ago, I was cocooned in my cozy memory foam mattress, the comforter enveloping me. Just as I drifted deeper into slumber, I felt a gentle poke. I opened my eyes to see my daughter at my bedside. She leaned in, her voice barely above a whisper, “Mommy, can I sleep with you?”
Historically, my children have been excellent sleepers. Initially, I had to step in a bit to help them reach that point. I poured over countless parenting books, taking what resonated with us and guiding them toward better sleep habits. I was well acquainted with the expert advice on nighttime awakenings:
- Never allow a child in your bed during the night. If you give in just once, you might as well surrender your authority to a tiny tyrant. Get ready for a life filled with Cheerios and finger paint, if it isn’t already.
- Do not acknowledge your child. Avoid any communication. Displaying concern is seen as a weakness, and they’ll undoubtedly exploit it.
- Gently take your child by the hand and return them to their bed. Tuck them in and make a swift exit back to your own sanctuary.
- If they come back crying, repeat the process without any interaction. You may need to physically carry them back and hope they stay put this time.
- Repeat until morning. Be mindful that you might be unable to function properly for weeks afterward.
As soon as I heard her request, all these rules flashed through my mind. Should I lead her back to her bed? Would I be opening a Pandora’s box if I said yes? Our sleep routine had been so peaceful! Nevertheless, I glanced at the clock—1:18 a.m. “Yes,” I said, inviting her into our bed, where she nestled between my husband and me. We all drifted back to sleep without a hitch.
Fast-forward to over 700 nights later, and each evening, she still approaches me with the same question, “Mommy, can I sleep with you?” While I find it incredibly endearing that she continues to ask, I wonder if her politeness comes from her upbringing or if she senses that these moments are fleeting. For now, my answer will always be a resounding “yes.”
It’s turned out to be more delightful than I ever imagined. We cuddle, and I often feel her tiny hand in mine during the early hours, when the world is still asleep. Weekend mornings are a blissful dream, and holidays? Pure magic. I know that this time together won’t last forever; there will come a night when she no longer asks to sleep with me.
So to my sweet girl, keep asking. Come to me when you’re feeling lonely or scared, or simply when you miss your mom. Rest assured, my answer will always be yes.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Jessica Thornton shares her unexpected journey into motherhood, highlighting her initial resistance to bed-sharing and her eventual change of heart. Through the lens of her daughter’s nightly requests to snuggle, she embraces the fleeting moments of childhood, emphasizing the importance of connection and love over strict parenting rules.