I recently found myself in a deep conversation with my colleague, Lisa, about a mutual acquaintance who is going through a divorce. Both of us are in our mid-30s, and the story she shared was pretty dramatic. This acquaintance, whom we’ll call Mark, was caught in a compromising situation, kissing another woman right in a parking lot. The woman’s husband didn’t take it lightly and confronted Mark, leading to an altercation.
“We’ve known Mark and his wife for years,” Lisa remarked. “We’ve celebrated holidays together, and now they’re splitting up. It just feels surreal.”
Naturally, our discussion drifted toward the topic of divorce. While neither of us had intentions of leaving our spouses—both of us are happily married for over a decade—we couldn’t help but notice how many couples around us seem to be hitting rock bottom. After a 30-minute conversation filled with affection for our partners and a mutual sense of concern, I returned to my office reflecting on how, during my 20s, it felt like everyone was tying the knot. I attended countless weddings, carefully selecting gifts and wishing couples well. Now, in my 30s, it seems like divorce is the new trend.
I got married at 23, which some might consider young. Yes, my wife, Jenna, and I have changed a lot over the years, but we’ve also matured together. Yet, as I scroll through social media, I can’t help but notice friends, couples I once celebrated with, now marking themselves as “single” or posting pictures with new partners.
The trend becomes even more concerning when you consider that most people in their 30s grew up with parents who divorced. The divorce rate surged in the late 20th century, and my family is no exception—my mom is in her third marriage, while my dad passed away shortly after his fourth divorce. I’ve got a tangled web of stepparents and half-siblings, many of whom I barely know anymore. I once tried to connect with a former stepsister on Facebook, but I stumbled over what to call her. It’s a strange feeling to have once been family and now be left with no clear relationship title.
Afterward, I shared this conversation with Jenna. We laughed about the dramatic parking lot incident. When she playfully asked how I’d react if she ever kissed someone else, I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. “Maybe… probably… I really don’t want to think about that,” I admitted. “I’d like to believe we’re past that kind of drama. Getting into a fight over it seems so outdated. I’d rather focus on the future, not dwell on the past.”
As we stood in the kitchen, I was packing my lunch for the next day while our three kids watched TV. It was unusually quiet—typically, there’s chaos as the kids argue over snacks or complain about homework. Compared to a love triangle ending in a fistfight, our lives felt pretty stable.
“I fight for you every day,” I told her. “And it doesn’t involve throwing punches. It’s about getting up early for work, coming home late, and doing the little things that keep us together.” I listed a few of the countless ways I contribute to our family, and Jenna reciprocated, adding her own efforts. By the end, I realized that a physical confrontation seemed far more straightforward than the ongoing commitment we both invest in our marriage.
As I reflected on our conversation, I couldn’t shake the feeling that divorce has shaped my life from an early age, and now, surrounded by it in my 30s, I wonder if it’s become a rite of passage for many. “Sometimes it feels like divorce is just a phase of adulthood,” I confessed. “That thought terrifies me because I truly love you, Jenna, and our family.”
I’m not here to propose a grand solution to the challenges of marriage or to pass judgment on those who have faced divorce. I can confidently say that marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever tackled—a complex blend of emotions and personal growth. What I do know is that I’m committed to fighting for my marriage—not with fists, but with unwavering dedication. While it may not sound glamorous or thrilling, this is the reality of being married in your 30s. Recognizing this has made me appreciate the daily efforts Jenna and I make for our family even more.
Jenna leaned in and kissed me. “Don’t forget it says, ‘Love you forever,’ inside your wedding ring.”
Indeed, it does. Sometimes, it’s the simple reminders that resonate the most—her promise from years ago remains just as meaningful to her as it is to me.
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Summary:
In your 30s, it’s common to feel like divorce is a prevalent theme among friends and acquaintances. Conversations about marriage often lead to reflections on commitment and the challenges that come with it. This blog post emphasizes the importance of daily dedication in marriage and highlights the need to fight for love in a world where divorce seems increasingly normal.