A few weeks after welcoming my third child into the world, I was starting to feel like I was getting the hang of things. Nursing had been a struggle, and I often found myself dreading the feeds, but I was determined to make it work. We eventually discovered a position that my little one preferred, and despite the discomfort, I was relieved that we were finally nursing.
Then, one Saturday morning, everything changed. I vividly remember the moment: the baby was happily swinging, my older kids were playing on the floor, and I was indulging in a book—pure bliss. Suddenly, panic hit me. My vision blurred, I couldn’t catch my breath, and a loud ringing filled my ears. I dropped my Kindle and screamed in terror.
My partner rushed to my side as I gasped for air, overwhelmed by confusion and fear. “What’s happening? What’s wrong?” he shouted, but I had no answers. Just as quickly as the panic struck, it passed, leaving me shaky and bewildered. Then came the unmistakable sensation of my milk letting down. “I think I had a panic attack,” I managed to say, before nursing the baby.
Hours later, while in the kitchen, the wave of panic returned. I dropped my plate and collapsed in tears on the floor. My husband rushed over again, and once more, the storm passed, followed by that familiar milk letdown.
By the end of the weekend, I had experienced several panic attacks, each lasting only a minute or so, and each accompanied by that letdown. It was bewildering. It took months for me to figure out what was happening. I had fallen into a deep depression that felt nearly unbearable. Despite nursing just a few times a day, the panic attacks persisted, but my milk supply remained intact. With no alternative, I continued nursing.
Eventually, I discovered that I was suffering from a severe case of a condition known as D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex).
Understanding D-MER
Typically, breastfeeding brings joy and bonding. During a healthy letdown, the brain releases prolactin and oxytocin. The latter hormone typically induces feelings of happiness and affection, creating a sense of warmth and connection with your baby. That’s the experience I cherished when nursing my older children.
However, dopamine can inhibit prolactin. When dopamine levels are too high, they hinder the necessary prolactin release for letdown, which can lead to a drop in dopamine production. Low dopamine levels often manifest as anxiety, confusion, and fatigue. Moreover, elevated oxytocin can trigger fear, creating a vicious cycle of emotional turmoil.
While many experience mild D-MER symptoms—such as unease or emotional discomfort—some, like me, endure debilitating episodes.
The prevalence of D-MER remains unclear since it’s a relatively new diagnosis, but research is evolving rapidly. There are now treatments available that were lacking a decade ago. When I faced this challenge, medical professionals were unsure about prescribing medications and often suggested I wean my child instead. After all, nursing my twins had been a positive experience, so I refused to give up on breastfeeding my daughter just because of the emotional distress I was facing.
I struggled for five months without understanding the cause of my panic attacks, and even after gaining insight into D-MER, I continued nursing for another four months without effective treatment. I wrongly believed that enduring this suffering was necessary for providing my daughter with the best nutrition. It felt like breastfeeding had turned me into a person I didn’t recognize, and I felt trapped in my own mind.
Now, I understand that D-MER is a hormonal imbalance, not a psychiatric condition, and it can be managed with the right medication. Mothers experiencing D-MER don’t have to endure the emotional pain while nursing; they can seek help immediately.
Seeking Help
If you’re struggling with D-MER, it’s crucial to talk to your healthcare provider. Given that D-MER is still gaining recognition in medical literature, your doctor might not be familiar with it yet, but don’t let that deter you. Bring along articles about D-MER and encourage them to explore more. Awareness is growing, and access to information is better than it was when I faced this in 2012.
You don’t have to be experiencing severe symptoms to seek assistance. No one should feel miserable and confused while nurturing their child. Your emotional well-being matters just as much as your child’s.
For further insights, you can check out this other post on our blog about D-MER here. And for those considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom offers reliable kits to help you on your journey. Additionally, Johns Hopkins Medicine provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, D-MER is a serious yet manageable condition that can affect breastfeeding mothers. Understanding it and seeking help can empower you to continue nursing without the burden of anxiety and discomfort.