By: Jamie Collins
Updated: June 25, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 17, 2017
My spouse, Alex, and I were at a community gathering, sitting towards the back, engaging in a lighthearted Facebook quiz. It was a series of questions circulating for Valentine’s Day, inviting couples to share their thoughts.
Our two kids were shockingly well-behaved, so Alex and I leaned in closer, whispering our responses while someone spoke from the front. The questions started off easy: How long have you been together? (14 years). Who’s older? (Alex). But soon, we reached queries that made us realize we had never actually talked about them openly.
“Who creates the biggest mess?” Alex whispered, arching an eyebrow at me.
“You,” I shot back, without missing a beat.
“Have you seen the laundry pile?” they countered. “That’s all you!”
Back and forth we went, naming messes until we reluctantly settled on “We’re equally messy.” Yet, deep down, I knew that wasn’t entirely accurate. After all these years, I knew Alex’s habits well, from the cluttered corner next to the couch to the endless collection of shoes at the door.
“Who’s the worse driver?” Alex pressed, moving to the next question.
“You’ve had more speeding tickets,” I replied.
“I got one ticket! You’re the one who never signals and gets lost constantly,” Alex retorted. “And you speed.”
“Ten miles over is not speeding,” I defended.
“It’s about the law, not the cops,” they shot back.
We playfully debated several more questions, like “Who hogs the bed?” and “Who’s better at tech?” Each answer highlighted how, after so many years together, we had begun to annoy each other in the most trivial ways. There was even some eye-rolling and gesturing, which, of course, drew a few glances from those nearby.
One question struck me as particularly telling: “Who has the worst temper?”
In a bid to avoid an argument, we both grinned and said, “Guess we’re even ;)” But as I reflected on that, I realized our sarcastic response might actually showcase a truth about us. They say opposites attract, and it couldn’t be more accurate for Alex and me. While Alex loves gardening, I’d rather do just about anything else. I’m all about cycling, while they prefer leisurely walks. I’m a literature enthusiast, and Alex thrives in science. If anyone were to compare our interests, it’s hard to believe we would have crossed paths, let alone ended up together.
Yet here we were, 14 years later, navigating the ups and downs of marriage with humor and love, even if it meant dealing with who takes up the most space in bed.
By the time we finished the questionnaire, we were both chuckling, though it was a mix of “I’m glad that’s over, but I might still be annoyed with you” kind of laughter. Alex posted our answers, and we returned to the gathering.
As I later revisited our responses, I recognized a deeper truth: we are more alike than we think. Yes, we both have our messes and annoyances, but we also share a love for our kids and the little things that matter. We both have our quirks, yet we find joy in each other’s company.
Ultimately, marriage is about coexisting long enough to see the little things that irritate us. It’s essential to look beyond the daily annoyances and focus on what truly counts, like how we support each other and share our lives.
So tonight, I’ll tell Alex how much I love them for all the wonderful traits that make them unique and not dwell on their messy habits. I’m hopeful they’ll reciprocate with something sweet about my laundry folding skills. For anyone else feeling frustrated by those everyday annoyances, I encourage you to do the same.
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In summary, marriage is a journey filled with quirks, messes, and a fair share of annoyances, but it’s also about love, support, and growing together.