Dear Exhausted Mother in the Grocery Store,
I saw you there.
Lunchables? Seriously?
I noticed your little one begging for popsicles as you stood in front of the freezer, contemplating which flavor to choose. I watched you leave the store with your growing child nestled in the cart, bombarding you with questions. I saw you pause, close your eyes, and take a deep breath before responding with, “Just…because. That’s just how it is.” A genuine answer? Not so much.
I get it. I really do.
There’s this ingrained belief that mothers must always be “on.” It’s a notion that permeates our culture, fueling the judgment and competition of what we often call the mommy wars. As imperfect beings, we mothers are expected to hide our missteps and, if we dare to share them, they better come with a generous serving of regret and personal growth.
When I penned my piece, “Dear Mom Who Is Totally Screwing Up,” it was intended as a reality check—a message of camaraderie for every mom out there. But, as the internet tends to do, I was met with a wave of criticism: just stop being so lazy.
And there I was, a jumble of emotions—mad, sad, defensive, and indignant—as I read those comments.
I’m not lazy! I’m exhausted! I’m overwhelmed! I’m… okay, maybe sometimes I am a bit lazy.
Here’s my little epiphany: I’ve decided that my aim isn’t to eliminate laziness but to embrace it with finesse. I’m now multitasking my laziness into memorable experiences for my kids.
In truth, many of the best moments my daughter cherishes are likely a result of my laid-back approach. Just the other night, she threw a surprise party for me—no special occasion, just her way of expressing that she thinks I’m pretty great. It culminated in a pedicure she gave me right in our hallway while I reclined on the floor, merely too tired to get up.
And that time she transformed into a sea monster, rolling in mud at the lake? Sure, I could have stopped her, but I figured future me could handle the post-play cleanup.
When my toddler decided to make a splash with the dog’s water bowl, I simply laid down a towel and handed him some cups and spoons. I figured he was learning something valuable while I focused on dinner.
When anxiety grips me, I often morph into the “no” monster, squelching fun and creativity over fear of mess. Yet, when I allow myself to lean into that “I’ll handle this later” mindset, it opens the door to those cherished childhood moments that my kids will surely remember fondly for years to come.
“Future me” might think I’m irresponsible, but my kids will never know that the wild kitchen experiments were born out of my desire to avoid getting off the couch.
We’ve all played that game of “Who can stay quiet the longest?” or pretended to be sick while the kids took care of us, right?
Yes, there’s always room for improvement. If you think otherwise, you’re likely mistaken. Sometimes my laziness leads to less-than-constructive responses, the infamous “because I said so.” But more often than not, laziness and creativity blend together like colors in play-dough that I was too drained to keep separate.
One day, when I’m no longer around, I hope my son reminisces about the time I let them draw on the walls with chalk. His sister will chime in, “And remember all the glitter?”
So yes, I may be lazy at times, but perhaps that’s perfectly okay.
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In summary, being a mom can be overwhelming, and it’s perfectly normal to experience moments of laziness. Embracing those moments can lead to beautiful memories and bonding experiences with our children.