I never anticipated that a seemingly ordinary Sunday would send my world into a tailspin. Yet, grief has a way of catching you off guard, often long after the initial shock has faded.
My surviving triplet and I were at the local grocery store, navigating our typical weekly shopping trip. After we finished checking out, my daughter rushed over to the horse ride—something that delights countless children. While we were in line, her vibrant spirit sparked a conversation with the family ahead of us. She innocently asked if their children were siblings.
“Yes,” the friendly woman replied.
And then came the question I fear the most: “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
Before I could muster a response of “no,” my daughter, Mia, chimed in without a moment’s hesitation: “Yes! I have two, Charlie and Lily.”
How can a heart feel both immense pride and profound sorrow at the same time? I nodded, caught in a whirlwind of emotions. Yes, Mia has siblings, but unlike the children in front of us, hers reside in heaven.
Our home is filled with memories of our triplets—pictures of baby Lily and baby Charlie sit alongside images of our miracle child, Mia. Shadow boxes in her room hold precious keepsakes, remnants of our beautiful children.
Though they shared a womb, our children never had the opportunity to share life together. Our daughter, Lily, passed away shortly after birth, while Charlie fought valiantly for nearly two months in the NICU before succumbing to complications.
Navigating life with children both here on Earth and in the ethereal realm is a challenging endeavor. It’s a constant balancing act—grieving for the children we’ll never see grow up while celebrating the joy of the child who is with us. There’s no manual for this kind of parenthood, where some of your children are no longer living.
I often find myself pondering how much of my truth to share. When strangers inquire about my children, it can feel easier to leave out the mention of my two in heaven. I love all three of my triplets dearly, but society often shies away from the uncomfortable topic of child loss. Typically, a reference to Lily and Charlie elicits pitying looks and an awkward “I’m so sorry for your losses.” More often than not, I’m left teary-eyed as they move away, uncomfortable with the conversation.
On that ordinary Sunday, I did what I usually do: engage in small talk while keeping my other two children out of the conversation. But today was different. For the first time in Mia’s 3½ years, she spoke about her siblings without any prompting from me. I could tell she felt that unique bond with Charlie and Lily. We often discuss how lucky she is to have guardian angels watching over her, while simultaneously ensuring she feels special and cherished here on Earth. But I hadn’t truly grasped how much she understood until that moment in the grocery store.
The kind lady smiled as Mia answered her inquiry, then turned to me and said, “That’s wonderful! So the other kids must be at home with Dad.” I simply nodded, a smile on my face as they walked away. Sometimes silence feels like the best option.
I held it together just long enough to reach the car before the tears welled up. I kissed Mia’s forehead as I buckled her in, her eyes sparkling with joy and innocence. I know the road ahead will present challenges as she learns more about her siblings and their absence. Yet, in that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of love. Being a parent is undoubtedly one of the hardest jobs in existence, but thanks to that grocery store encounter, I know I’m doing my best.
If you’re interested in learning more about the complexities of parenthood, especially in the context of loss, you can explore some insightful resources we’ve compiled, such as this article about navigating grief. Additionally, for those considering starting a family, Make A Mom offers a range of at-home insemination kits, and ACOG provides excellent guidance on treating infertility.
In summary, the journey of parenting, especially through loss, is filled with complexities and emotional challenges. It’s essential to embrace the moments of joy while honoring the memory of those we’ve lost.