By: Alex Johnson
As a parent, I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers. Like many, I navigate the complexities of parenting while juggling work and life’s other demands. Yet, my role as a parent extends beyond the typical, as I have a child on the autism spectrum. Some days, I might overlook the unique challenges we face, but there are moments that serve as stark reminders.
Take weekends, for instance. We all have our plans—whether it’s tackling chores, catching up with friends, or simply enjoying some downtime. My intention for the weekend was to finish some writing after a bit of tidying up. However, things took an unexpected turn.
While I was in the kitchen, I heard my daughter, Lily, starting to fuss in the other room. She was struggling with a game and, thinking I’d resolved her issue, I moved on. But soon, her frustration escalated into tears and swatting at me in exasperation.
To an onlooker, this might look like a tantrum. But it’s not. It’s the onset of a meltdown.
A tantrum typically arises from a child feeling denied or frustrated—they know why they’re upset and may act out as a form of protest. In contrast, a meltdown is a different beast altogether. As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I’ve come to define a meltdown as an overwhelming emotional experience that a child can no longer control or navigate.
During a meltdown, the child is bombarded by emotions and sensations that they simply can’t process. They may feel intense frustration over their inability to rectify the situation, leading to anger and confusion. This emotional overload can result in crying, screaming, or even physical outbursts as they seek help but struggle to articulate their needs. In these moments, traditional discipline often falls flat.
In my experience, the key to managing a meltdown lies in helping the child find a way to calm down amidst the chaos. It’s essential to redirect their focus away from what triggered the meltdown. This might involve moving to a quieter space, enveloping them in a favorite blanket, or engaging them in a calming activity like counting down from 10 or 20.
With Lily, I’ve learned that it’s crucial to maintain my own calmness to help her regain control. If I react with frustration, it only exacerbates the situation. On one occasion, I spoke to her softly and reassured her that together, we could navigate through this. I held her gently, wiped her tears, and even made a lighthearted joke to bring a smile to her face. Transitioning her focus, I suggested we count down together, and as we reached “blast off!” she jumped off my lap, feeling much better.
I’m not an expert, just a parent who has learned through experience. Each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. The best approach is to remain creative and adaptable, experimenting with various techniques to discover what resonates with your child.
Here are some key points to consider:
- Stay informed; read and learn whenever possible.
- Immerse yourself in your child’s interests to foster understanding.
- Exercise patience; parenting is inherently challenging.
- Most importantly, shower them with love, as that is their greatest need.
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In summary, recognizing the difference between tantrums and meltdowns can significantly impact how we respond and support our children. Each situation calls for a tailored approach, and above all, love and understanding remain the cornerstone of effective parenting.