As I prepared for the arrival of my son, the topic of godparents began to weigh on my mind. Although I didn’t grow up in a strictly religious household, I had multiple godparents, each of whom played a unique role in my life. I cherished the time spent with my godmothers, who would host sleepovers and take me on special outings—activities I didn’t typically enjoy with my parents. I wanted my child to experience those same enriching relationships, yet the process of selecting godparents turned out to be more challenging than I anticipated.
Traditionally, godparents were close friends of my parents, but they didn’t have any ties to each other. My partner and I aren’t particularly religious, so we realized our choice of godparents would be symbolic rather than bound by any religious rules. In the hospital, cradling our newborn, we decided to choose our closest friends. I selected my friend Mia, who lived nearby and was present during the birth, while my other best friend, Jack, resided across the country. I wanted at least one godparent to be local, ensuring my son could develop a close bond with them from an early age.
When considering godparents, the context matters—especially if you’re approaching it from a religious or non-religious standpoint. The term “godparent” typically refers to someone who promises to guide a child in their spiritual journey, often as part of a baptism ceremony. For those choosing godparents through a religious lens, there are often specific criteria.
In some religious communities, godparents must meet particular standards, such as being baptized and maintaining good standing within the church. For instance, in certain Catholic dioceses, both godparents must be practicing Catholics, while in others, only one needs to be. My friend Sarah faced a dilemma when she had to choose a godparent who didn’t fit her ideals due to her church’s restrictions; she ended up selecting a relative she wasn’t particularly close to instead of her first choice, who was gay and wouldn’t have been accepted by the church. This dynamic can complicate relationships, although open communication can help mitigate potential hurt feelings.
In contrast, if you’re approaching the concept of godparents from a secular perspective, they can be viewed as enhanced aunts or uncles—individuals who share a special bond with your child outside of family ties. While many people gravitate towards siblings or relatives for godparent roles in religious ceremonies, I opted against involving my own siblings since we’re not particularly close.
The role of a godparent is meant to provide spiritual guidance, so it makes sense to choose someone within your family. However, my understanding of godparents has always been that they should be individuals who foster a unique connection with your child outside of familial obligations.
This led me to reflect on how the choice of godparents could influence existing friendships. I sensed that Mia might have been disappointed when I chose someone else over her, especially since we’ve been close since high school. When it was her turn to select a godmother for her son, she leaned into a more traditional approach due to her church’s stringent criteria. Although I was initially miffed when she chose a mutual friend who didn’t adhere to the same standards for her second child, I ultimately decided not to let it impact our relationship.
Interestingly, there seems to be a gradual shift away from the traditional religious ceremony towards a more symbolic, non-religious interpretation of godparenting. This perspective aligns with how I was raised, where godparents were chosen to be active participants in a child’s life rather than just family members. Regardless of the approach taken, selecting godparents remains a deeply personal decision aimed at fostering meaningful relationships for our children.
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In summary, choosing a godparent is a significant decision that can strengthen friendships and create lasting bonds for your child. Whether approached from a religious or symbolic perspective, the focus should always be on fostering meaningful connections that enrich your child’s life.