I tend to be someone who follows the rules—especially when it comes to the major milestones of life. You told me to pursue education, and I ended up with a PhD. You encouraged marriage and family, and I half-joked that I hoped my boyfriend was listening. But now, I need you to stop insisting that I should have more children.
Let’s be clear: you’re not even family. Our actual relatives have been wonderfully respectful of our choice to be “one and done” parents. You’re the mom I met at the park, my hairstylist, a high school acquaintance, or the random stranger chiming in on social media. Yes, you—always a woman—really need to keep your opinions to yourself.
Our incredible daughter is three years old, and we feel complete. While I can’t guarantee she won’t wish for siblings down the line, I also know that many of my friends who grew up as only children turned out just fine. Their biggest annoyance was the incessant questioning about their loneliness. I used to find their complaints puzzling, but now I completely understand.
It’s exhausting to hear, “Don’t you want to have more kids?” My stomach drops every time someone poses that question, knowing a lecture is probably coming my way. You presume that I’m a selfish mother damning my daughter to a life of isolation. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. I get it—you found more joy in your second child after seeing your first bond with them. You think I’ll change my mind once my daughter becomes more independent.
I understand the joys of having siblings. My younger brother is one of the most significant people in my life. Growing up with him was wonderful, and I never imagined I would only have one child. Yet, the idea of expanding our family just doesn’t resonate with me.
When you tell me I’m harming my child, it’s hard not to let those words affect me. At the end of last year, I considered trying for another baby. I consulted with my OB-GYN and primary care physician about the risks associated with pregnancy due to my chronic health issues. Some of us face medical challenges that complicate pregnancy, but apparently, that doesn’t cross your mind when giving unsolicited advice! Both doctors were supportive of my decision to try for another child, so I started taking prenatal vitamins, and my husband and I took the plunge.
And then I fell into a deep depression. A heavy, anxiety-ridden cloud enveloped me. I realized I didn’t want to be pregnant, nor did I want a second child. It’s tough to be a good parent when you’re battling depression. But I felt compelled to heed your advice. There are countless possibilities that could lead to joy, yet none of it felt right.
Let me say it again: deep down, the thought of having another child didn’t sit well with me or my family. I took several pregnancy tests, each more nerve-wracking than the last. When I got a negative result, relief was fleeting before panic set in that maybe it was just too soon to tell. It was a stark contrast to how I felt when trying to conceive the first time. After just one month, my husband and I decided to stop, feeling grateful we had tried because now we truly understand our feelings. This is such a joyous time in our lives, despite your meddling.
I can already hear your responses. You think it’s not about my desires but rather what’s best for my daughter. I need you to seriously reconsider your stance. Who are you to dictate what’s best for my child in a situation filled with nuances? You can’t tell me that my happiness and mental well-being don’t influence my parenting, nor can you predict how my child will feel in the future when you don’t even know her now.
And please, stop saying that only children are sad in front of my daughter.
Addressing Your Concerns
Now, let’s address your concerns directly. Will she feel lonely growing up? Maybe, sometimes. I felt lonely at times too, even with a wonderful sibling. But she might also find friends and cultivate relationships to mitigate that loneliness. There’s a spectrum of possibilities between close siblings and a lonely only child. Will she struggle when my husband and I are no longer around? Absolutely. But I hope she’ll have her own family by then—a partner, maybe kids of her own, and the friends I mentioned earlier. She will have cousins, aunts, uncles, and perhaps nieces and nephews. She’ll craft her life. Your experiences may have been fantastic, but they’re not the sole path to happiness.
Oh, and regarding your last worry: Will my daughter turn out weird because she’s an only child? Sure, only children can sometimes be quirky, but guess what? People with siblings can be just as odd. I’ve never met anyone who I’d consider entirely “normal.”
So, take a breath and consider keeping your opinions to yourself. Or if you feel compelled, have an extra child for me; it’s truly none of my business. The size of your family is ultimately your choice, and yours alone.
Further Reading
For more on family dynamics and parenting choices, check out this insightful blog post on Cervical Insemination and for those considering expanding their family, Make a Mom offers great resources for at-home insemination kits. Plus, if you’re looking for reliable information on pregnancy, March of Dimes has you covered.
In summary, the decision to have more children is deeply personal. I’m grateful for my daughter and content with our family as it stands. So please, let’s put an end to the unsolicited advice and let each family make the choice that feels right for them.