Kids have a remarkable talent for showcasing their most chaotic behaviors right when you least expect it, especially in front of other parents. It’s always those moments when the other children are behaving like perfect little angels, while yours is throwing a tantrum that could rival a reality TV star’s meltdown. Perhaps your little one is indulging in some less-than-adorable antics like picking their nose or pulling hair, and you find yourself confiding in a friend or seeking advice online.
In these cringe-worthy instances, every parenting choice you’ve ever made feels like it’s hanging over your head. You might be questioning whether too much screen time or processed snacks is to blame. As you stew in self-doubt, the last thing you need is to hear someone smugly declare, “My child would never do that.” It’s not just irritating; it’s downright disheartening.
That phrase—“my child never” — has a way of amplifying our feelings of inadequacy. If their child “never” engages in such behavior, it implies they’re doing a superior job, and we’re left wallowing in our perceived failures. But let’s take a moment to consider how unfair that is. It’s unreasonable to judge an entire parenting journey based on a single, often inflated claim.
When someone tells me their kid “never” throws a tantrum, I can’t help but think they’re suggesting their child is immune to hunger, fatigue, illness, or any number of discomforts that naturally lead to crankiness. Children, by nature, are still learning how to express their emotions effectively, and that often results in them acting out. Unless a parent has some kind of superhuman ability to anticipate their child’s every need (which, let’s be real, nobody does), meltdowns are absolutely going to happen.
If a parent claims their child “never” exhibits bizarre or troubling behavior, they’re likely not being honest. Those are the same folks who insist they never pass gas — let’s be real, we all know that’s a fib.
Imagine if, instead of passing judgment, those parents offered understanding and shared their own struggles. A simple, “Don’t worry, we’ve all been there,” or a confession like, “Mine tried to take a bite out of the dog last week,” would relieve so much pressure from us parents who feel the weight of our kids’ public antics.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing if these self-righteous individuals would just keep quiet and offer a supportive smile instead of a dismissive comment? I’m not trying to psychoanalyze here, but I’d wager that those who feel the need to act superior likely have insecurities of their own. In short: it’s not us, it’s them.
All kids — 100% of them, no matter how exceptional their parents think they are — occasionally engage in embarrassing, reckless, or downright strange behavior. Just because someone else’s child isn’t currently acting out doesn’t mean they’re better or that their parenting style is superior. It simply means their child is having a good day at that moment. Behind closed doors, they’re likely wondering what they could be doing wrong too.
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Summary
Parenting is a rollercoaster, and every child has their moments of chaos. Rather than comparing ourselves to others, it’s vital to remember that all kids misbehave at times. Embracing solidarity among parents can alleviate the pressure we often feel.