As I sit by the pool, watching my son during his swimming lesson, a wave of happiness washes over me. He dives in, and when he resurfaces, his face beams with a huge grin. It’s a moment of triumph. Just a short while ago, sensory processing disorder made it nearly impossible for him to put his face underwater. Now, at 6 years old, he’s finally letting go of the floaties he clung to for so long. As a mother, I feel both joy and relief.
Looking around, I spot one of his classmates engrossed in a hefty chapter book, clearly above the reading level of most first-graders. The boy’s little brother is nearby, already a proficient swimmer. I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy. “Did you see XX reading that big book?” I mention to a fellow mom, who nods knowingly. “He’s also amazing at soccer,” she adds. It’s easy to see why he’s seen as a future star, destined for success in every endeavor. Meanwhile, I find myself simply wanting my son to be happy.
In the face of ongoing struggles, I’ve begun to redefine what success means for my child. It’s not about being the best in class or leading the soccer team; instead, it’s about his happiness and self-worth. After attending multiple meetings with his educational team this year, I’ve come to realize that my son likely won’t fit the mold of a typical achiever. Yet, he possesses so many wonderful qualities—intelligence, kindness, humor—that often get overshadowed by his ADHD and SPD challenges.
During one particularly emotional meeting, I desperately sought any glimmer of achievement for my son. I asked, “Is there anything he excels at?” The responses were always the same: “He’s doing well, he’s enthusiastic, and he has friends.” In that moment, it became clear to me: his happiness is what truly matters.
I no longer feel disheartened by the fact that he doesn’t enjoy soccer or that he may need to leave a dance class due to sensory overload. If he still wears floaties this summer, that’s perfectly fine. I’ve shifted my focus away from his performance on paper and instead prioritize the lessons that foster his happiness and self-acceptance. While many parents push their kids to achieve externally defined milestones, I want my son to measure success by his willingness to try, regardless of the outcome.
Failure isn’t something to fear; it’s a stepping stone toward growth. I hope he learns that true success lies in the effort he puts forth and the joy he feels within himself. It’s entirely possible that he may never be a soccer star or a top student, but I believe that he will carve out a bright future for himself.
Every night, as he drifts off to sleep with a smile, I know he’s achieving his own version of success.
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Summary
This article explores the author’s journey of redefining success while parenting a child with sensory processing disorder. Through personal experiences and reflections, she emphasizes the importance of happiness and self-acceptance over traditional achievements. By focusing on effort and joy rather than societal expectations, she aims to instill confidence and resilience in her son.