I remember visiting my friend, Sarah, shortly after she welcomed her little one. As I quietly entered her room with flowers, some trail mix, and the latest gossip magazines, I overheard her pediatrician questioning why her baby had a pacifier in her mouth. “I just couldn’t nurse her anymore, and every time I laid her down, she cried, so I gave her this, and she settled down,” Sarah explained.
“Actually, that’s not how it should work. He shouldn’t have this yet. Let him cry, or nurse him,” he replied (I know, right?). Her husband’s fists were clenched, and the seconds it took for him to exit felt like an eternity. I watched Sarah, a first-time mom, struggle to hold back tears. I had to grip the doorknob to keep my mouth shut—I almost broke it. Safe to say, that pediatrician was not their go-to after that day.
If you’re not comfortable with the “cry it out” method (regardless of age), and you find that tending to your baby’s needs helps you maintain your sanity, then Mama, that’s exactly what you should do. If it’s easier for you to hold your baby until she falls asleep rather than listening to her cry, then do just that. Babies only know how to express their needs through crying or fussing. As they grow and develop language skills, you can teach them how to vocalize what they want—this takes time.
So, for now, give your baby what she needs, take a breather, and preserve your mental well-being. Everyone in the family will reap the benefits, trust me. I always gave in to my three kids whenever they cried, and they’re growing up to be mostly well-adjusted, so I’d call that a success.
Remember, you’re not spoiling them, and they’re not trying to manipulate you; they simply lack the ability to do so at this stage. Rushing in to comfort them won’t turn them into self-centered individuals.
This is especially vital during bedtime. After a long day, when you’re just trying to carve out some downtime, sometimes you need to be flexible. If it helps you to give your child a pacifier, let her sleep in the hallway, or snuggle up in your bed while you unwind, go for it. Let them rest wherever they feel comfortable, and don’t sweat the small stuff. There’s no shame in making life easier for both you and your little one.
Additionally, when you’re out in public and your child starts crying, it’s not feasible to just leave the grocery store, especially when you’re short on essentials like toilet paper or diapers. Babies and toddlers often cry because they don’t understand why they’re upset. If letting them play with your phone or enjoy a treat keeps them calm and prevents judgmental stares from strangers, then do what you have to do. Your sanity is the ultimate goal here.
If ignoring the crying works for you, that’s great, but if you find yourself on the verge of losing it, give your baby what she needs. If you have older kids, involve them in comforting the baby, giving you a moment to breathe. You set the tone for your household, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, that energy will affect everyone around you. Do what it takes to keep going—most of the time, that means giving your baby whatever they want.
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In summary, don’t hesitate to meet your baby’s needs for the sake of your own sanity. It’s not about spoiling them; it’s about nurturing a peaceful environment for the entire family.