It’s common for adults to discuss how to prepare children for the “real world.” We often throw around terms like “special snowflake” and criticize parents for being too protective. The sentiment is that children won’t learn to navigate real-life hurdles if they expect a participation trophy for merely showing up or if they can’t endure a little teasing at school.
While I understand the intention behind wanting to equip our kids for life’s challenges, I believe that framing adult life as significantly tougher than childhood is misleading. In many respects, childhood can be even more challenging.
One thing that adults frequently overlook is that children are just beginning to strengthen their emotional resilience. Think back to when you first started exercising: you get tired quickly, struggle to lift weights, and feel sore in unexpected places afterward. Childhood is similar; every experience is new—disappointment, embarrassment, heartbreak—and kids feel these emotions profoundly.
Reflecting on my most humiliating moments, I find that they predominantly stem from my childhood rather than adulthood. As we grow, we learn to sidestep embarrassing situations and manage them better. However, those initial experiences during childhood are incredibly intense.
Moreover, much of childhood is markedly intense. Imagine being constantly directed by adults every single day. Sure, adults have heavier responsibilities, but we don’t have a multitude of people consistently telling us what to do. We enjoy greater freedom in how we manage our time and the decisions we make. We face the repercussions of our choices, but those consequences don’t usually include the constant threat of being punished for stepping out of line.
Children also have to contend with bullying in ways that adults do not. If a colleague verbally assaulted me or pushed me down, I’d be contacting HR before you could say “workplace harassment.” Children, however, are often subjected to such treatment, both as victims and witnesses, and they are expected to figure out how to cope. Despite numerous anti-bullying initiatives in schools, studies indicate they often fall short. Bullying remains a pervasive issue, leaving kids feeling powerless to confront it. That is not easy.
Add to this the constant influx of new information and the myriad changes their bodies undergo, and it’s evident that childhood is far from a carefree time. Their concerns may appear trivial to adults, yet they are very real and difficult for children to navigate. They experience emotions akin to ours, often more intensely and without the life experience needed to process them effectively. Even adults struggle with emotional regulation at times—why expect children to manage it flawlessly?
As parents, our role is to prepare our kids for the future while supporting them through the ups and downs of growing up. The first two decades of life are challenging for everyone. These years are filled with discoveries and joy, yet they also come with a host of difficulties. Healthy children from stable homes face their own set of challenges—imagine how much harder it is for those whose parents are divorcing, grappling with poverty, or dealing with mental health issues. Childhood is more complex than we often acknowledge.
We don’t help our kids by coddling them, but we also do a disservice by dismissing their struggles as mere immaturity. Children are not miniature adults. We must recognize that they inhabit their own “real world,” and their challenges are as significant to them as ours are to us.
Kids need our empathy and understanding alongside our strength. I believe that providing both helps them develop the tools they’ll need throughout their lives. If we diminish their experiences, how can they cultivate the confidence to face “real” challenges? Validating their feelings and acknowledging their struggles fosters resilience and personal growth. That’s where the real development occurs.
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In summary, while preparing children for adulthood is crucial, we must also support them through the complexities of childhood. It’s vital to recognize their challenges as legitimate and to guide them with empathy and understanding, helping them build the resilience they need for the future.