Our Elders Offer Valuable Insights on Struggle, Joy, and Parenthood

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Life teaches us lessons in unexpected ways, and our elders often hold the keys to understanding both life’s challenges and its joys. As I navigate the complexities of early parenthood, I find myself reflecting on the profound wisdom shared by those who have walked this path long before me.

Picture this: a cramped elevator filled with a few elderly individuals and their home aides, all squeezed together in a tight space. My pregnant belly adds an extra layer of intimacy to this already snug situation. In the silence, a home aide asks the age-old question, “Boy or girl?” I respond with a smile, “We don’t know.” Before I can elaborate, an elderly woman, wise and weathered, chimes in, “Does she have a choice? No, she will love whatever the baby is.” Her insight is a reminder that love transcends the details.

Being in the presence of those from previous generations is a source of comfort and strength. Their experiences remind me that survival is possible, and I am surrounded by veterans of life. Unlike the fast-paced world we live in, where distractions abound, these elders are generous with their time and stories, welcoming my desire to listen.

For nearly two years, I have had the privilege of observing the lives of 20 remarkable individuals in their 80s through my work at the Columbia Aging Center. We share walks, bus rides, and even family gatherings. I delve into conversations about their feelings towards aging, death, and unfulfilled dreams—topics often avoided in casual discussions. This connection allows me to witness their resilience in facing life’s most poignant moments.

Stories of Resilience

Take Rosa, for instance. After losing her husband of 60 years, she copes by placing a pillow beside her at night, a gentle reminder that she is not alone. Or consider Sandy, a children’s theater director who reflects on her career’s end, grappling with the realization that her life’s work may not reach the heights she envisioned. These stories resonate deeply with me as I juggle the demands of parenthood while trying to carve out my own path.

In my whirlwind of responsibilities, I find solace in these shared experiences. The challenges of early parenting—sleepless nights, sick days, and triumphs like watching my daughter master writing the number “5”—remind me of the universal struggles we all face. Sandy recounts her own challenges when bringing home her second child, unsure of how to balance the needs of her two sons.

Hearing about the lives of those who have endured and thrived gives me a sense of belonging. I feel less alone in my journey. When my daughter Annie arrived, I took her to visit George, an 86-year-old man with a zest for life. Despite his health issues, he rides his motorized tricycle adorned with festive decorations, determined to spread pride in his Puerto Rican heritage. He embodies resilience, showing up to events and inviting friends into his home.

George’s kindness shone through when he welcomed Annie, laying out a new towel and pillow for her. His memories of loss, such as the passing of his mother before he could even say goodbye, illustrate a depth of emotion that enriches his character. He shares playful songs with Annie, a benediction of sorts, assuring me that she, too, will navigate the complexities of life with both struggle and joy.

Lessons from Our Elders

As I reflect on these experiences, I realize that the wisdom of our elders can guide us through the trials of parenthood and life itself. They teach us that love and resilience are timeless virtues, and that we are never truly alone in our journeys.

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