On our first Valentine’s Day together, my husband, Mark, showed up at my college dorm room door, nervously clutching a bouquet of roses. But these weren’t the stunning long-stemmed red roses typically associated with this day of love. Instead, he presented me with a collection of tiny tea roses that looked as though they were meant for a fairy. Ever the penny-pincher, Mark had taken advantage of what he thought was a steal of a deal on Valentine’s Day blooms. While I could see the disappointment etched on his face from being duped, I couldn’t help but feel charmed by his effort, even if he had opted for a half-price bouquet.
After we tied the knot, I anticipated that the romantic gestures would keep rolling in, coupons and all. However, as weeks turned into months without a single floral delivery, I started to feel a little resentful. He knew I adored flowers, yet it seemed like I had married a man who couldn’t grasp the importance of keeping his wife happy. I would pass by beautiful blooms at the grocery store or in florist windows, sighing and wishing for the day when Mark would recognize the significance of such a thoughtful gesture. I even dropped a few hints along the way.
But one day, a few years into our marriage, while inhaling the lovely scent of freesia in the grocery store, it dawned on me: I didn’t need to wait around for Mark to buy me flowers. I could simply buy my own! So, I grabbed a bunch of beautiful blooms that day, and my kitchen was instantly filled with a delightful fragrance that lifted my spirits for the entire week.
I soon realized that flowers and beautiful plants in my yard bring me immense joy. I wasn’t going to waste another moment relying on someone else for the simple pleasures in life. Mark just doesn’t share the same enthusiasm I have for seeing sunflowers in late summer or daffodils peeking through the snow in early spring. I get positively giddy when I spot tulips, and yellow roses never fail to put a smile on my face.
For years now, I’ve been treating myself to flowers almost every week. They brighten my workspace and provide an invigorating scent that lifts me throughout my day. I also buy my own plants and Zen gardens, as nurturing them gives me a sense of purpose. Spring is something I eagerly anticipate because it means visiting my favorite garden shop to purchase perennials and annuals, spending hours planting in my backyard. Gardening is my sanctuary, and it’s my responsibility to cultivate that joy, not Mark’s.
By taking charge of my own happiness, I not only gift myself daily joy but also release Mark from the expectation of making me happy. He is loving, kind, and thoughtful in countless ways, often through surprises that exceed my expectations. Although flowers are part of my love language, finding surprise tickets to a concert or receiving a gift I casually mentioned months ago are equally romantic gestures.
I’ve chosen to seek my own happiness, and in doing so, we’ve both found contentment in our marriage. We’ve learned to let go of the idea that we must rely on each other for our daily satisfaction and instead listen to what genuinely makes us happy. This doesn’t mean we lack romance—far from it. I’ve simply accepted that Mark doesn’t place the same value on flowers as I do, and that’s perfectly fine. I’ll continue to love him, flaws and all, because that’s what marriage is about: embracing each other’s imperfections and nurturing the areas that help us both thrive, much like a garden.
While Mark’s initial romantic gesture may not have hit the mark, those tiny tea roses have brought us laughter over the years. I’ve teased him mercilessly about his reluctance to spend money on flowers and chocolates for special occasions. He might forget to order a bouquet for my birthday, but when I see him comforting our little one during a sleepless night or reaching for my hand in a dark theater, he feels like a bouquet of roses to me.
So, ladies, go ahead and buy those flowers. Or chocolates. Or concert tickets. Or jewelry. Whatever it is, remember that you don’t need to wait for someone else to gift you these things. Your otherwise wonderful partner might fall short in this department, but you don’t have to suffer in silence because you are perfectly capable of treating yourself. You won’t regret it!
For more insights on self-care and joy, check out this post on our blog about nurturing your happiness here. And if you’re looking for reliable at-home insemination kits, consider visiting this retailer. Plus, for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, you can visit the CDC’s website.
In summary, don’t wait for someone else to provide the joy you can cultivate yourself. Embrace the things that make you happy, and take charge of your own happiness.