As the clock ticks toward the New Year, I often find myself cozy in my pajamas, clutching a glass of wine in one hand and a steaming mug of coffee in the other. Staying awake until midnight feels like an achievement, and when that moment finally arrives, I typically share a quick kiss with my partner, mumble a half-hearted “Happy New Year,” and practically sprint to bed.
Honestly, I’ve never really grasped the excitement surrounding New Year’s Eve. The idea of squeezing into uncomfortable attire, shelling out cash for overpriced champagne, and mingling with a crowd of acquaintances seems absurd to me. Instead, I’d much prefer to indulge in cookie dough, sip wine in my festive flannel pajamas, and enjoy my 59th viewing of Love Actually. I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions, and the arrival of January 1 has always felt like just another day—albeit with a new number.
But this year? Oh, this year is different. Because 2016 has been an absolute dumpster fire.
This time around, I will be ringing in the New Year—not with lavish attire or bubbly drinks—but with a defiant salute and a stiff shot of bourbon. Good riddance, 2016. You’ve been a whirlwind of chaos, bringing us everything from the Zika virus to new Ebola outbreaks, and even contaminated water at the Olympics. There were heartbreaking tragedies like the Orlando nightclub shooting, the debacle of Harambe the gorilla, and an alligator claiming a toddler’s life at Disney, the so-called happiest place on earth. Seriously, 2016—what gives?
The chaos didn’t stop there. The murky depths of online comment sections required hazmat suits, and to top it off, the FDA warned us against indulging in raw cookie dough. As if we could even enjoy stress-eating our way through anxiety without fearing a bathroom disaster!
The political landscape of 2016 was akin to that infamous scene from Billy Madison, where the principal declares, “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard.” This year’s political discourse left many of us feeling like we’ve collectively lost IQ points. May the universe have mercy on our souls.
And while we all look for solace in food, music, and movies, 2016 had to strip those comforts away, taking icons like Prince, David Bowie, and Carrie Fisher from us while replacing them with awkward reboots like Fuller House.
Let’s be real: 2016 was like a year-long bout of menstrual cramps combined with relentless food poisoning. It was defined by ridiculous moments—Ryan Lochte, Brexit, and creepy clowns. It was also a year filled with deeper issues such as police shootings and Aleppo, which only added to the overwhelming sense of despair. Honestly, I’d rather not delve into those heavy topics now—let’s save that for another discussion.
If 2016 had a catchphrase, it would surely be “What the actual heck?” or perhaps “I can’t even.” There were countless days when I found myself questioning if we had somehow entered an alternate universe.
Okay, I’ll admit it—maybe I’m being a tad dramatic. Not everything in 2016 was terrible. We witnessed the incredible talent of Simone Biles and were entertained by shows like This Is Us, Westworld, and Stranger Things. Some families created beautiful memories on vacations, new lives were welcomed into the world, couples tied the knot, and, oh yes, the Cubs finally won the World Series!
YES, THE CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES! For a lifelong Cubs fan, that victory after 108 years was a rare glimmer of joy in an otherwise dismal year. It’s frustrating that such an extraordinary moment gets overshadowed by the turmoil of 2016, but then again, that seems to fit the theme of the year perfectly—nothing ever goes as planned.
So, here’s to 2016—a year that felt relentless, like a storm that continuously flipped my umbrella inside out, or like falling down a staircase in front of a crowd. It was akin to leaving the salon with a fresh blowout only to be immediately targeted by a bird. Enough already, 2016!
Now it’s our turn to bid farewell. So here’s a final salute: goodbye and good riddance, 2016.
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In summary, 2016 was a year of unprecedented challenges, but as we step into the new year, let’s hold onto hope and look forward to better days ahead.