What if you decided to take a step back from doing everything on your own? What if you stopped being the first to change a diaper, fetch a drink for your toddler, or set up appointments for your partner?
What do you think would actually happen? Are you worried that chaos would ensue? Do you believe you’re the only one capable of managing these tasks? Do you feel an obligation to handle everything because it’s your responsibility?
Well, it’s time to rethink that. Give it a try—what’s the worst that could happen? Perhaps some tasks go undone, but on the flip side, what if someone else in your household takes the initiative to step in?
As mothers, we often shoulder a disproportionate amount of responsibility. We frequently assume the primary role in managing the household and raising our kids. However, this sense of obligation can distort our perspective, leading us to believe that we must do it all ourselves. Sometimes, it’s simply more convenient to handle everything rather than wait for someone else to pitch in.
The issues with this approach are numerous. One prevalent concern is that moms often neglect their own needs while focusing on their children’s. But there are additional reasons to allow others in the household to contribute or encourage kids to take on tasks themselves.
The Partners
From my observations, most partners genuinely want to help. I tend to be a bit controlling and have a very specific vision of how things should be done. Consequently, I’ve typically taken over most childcare responsibilities. The downside of this? My partner often felt discouraged, unsure of how to contribute, and lacked the initiative to step up when I needed him to.
Now that my children are 3 and 5, I’ve started making changes. Just the other day, I was enjoying my lunch after everyone else had finished—doesn’t that happen all the time? Suddenly, my little one produced a particularly pungent diaper. I had to resist the urge to abandon my meal and take care of it while everyone complained about the smell. To my surprise, my partner noticed I was still eating and tackled the mess without hesitation or complaints.
Another significant improvement I’ve made is scheduling “me time.” I’ll plan an outing for myself when my partner is available or allocate time for a task I need to accomplish over the weekend without interruptions. I don’t ask for permission because, aside from “work time,” the kids are our shared duty.
The Kids
Our children need us to stop doing everything for them. If you’re anything like me, you might be surprised by what they can accomplish independently. I used to do everything for my 5-year-old daughter. Now, when I suggest she try something she’s capable of, like putting on her clothes, she often insists, “I don’t know how.”
This realization hit me when I enrolled my son in daycare at age one. On his first day, I observed the teachers encouraging all the little ones to do things themselves, including lying down on their mats for nap time—something I hadn’t even tried at home. We ultimately decided daycare wasn’t right for him, but the lesson I learned stayed with me.
Now, I encourage both children to do as much as they can. I ensure they have enough time to complete tasks, recognizing that they might not get it right on the first or second try. Patience and time are essential!
The Benefits
Since I stopped trying to do everything, I’ve witnessed remarkable changes in our family dynamics. My partner has become more involved, assisting the kids and actively playing with them, which has strengthened his bond with them.
Most importantly, the balance of meeting their needs—whether initiated by the kids or us—is improving. While some of this is due to their growing independence, it’s also a direct result of my decision to step back from the do-it-all mindset.
I can see that the kids are feeling more empowered. They’ve begun to understand the rhythm of our daily lives and are participating in their self-care. They’re more eager to learn and tackle new challenges thanks to the encouraging atmosphere we’re nurturing.
And the best part? I can finally take a breather. I get to read a book now and then, enjoy a warm meal, and actually savor it.
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Summary:
Taking a step back from doing everything for your family can lead to positive changes. By allowing your partner and children to take on responsibilities, you foster independence and a sense of empowerment in them, while also giving yourself the much-needed time to recharge. The balance in family dynamics improves, and you might just find that everything carries on just fine.