The internet can be a bizarre yet fascinating realm. It’s a place where you can discover everything from the best deals on beauty products to the names of your favorite TV stars. For example, if you’re wondering where to snag that new lipstick at a discount, the answer is simple: Ulta. And if you need to know who plays Kevin on “This Is Us,” you’re looking at Justin Hartley—aka the charming heartthrob.
Recently, I stumbled upon a checklist detailing how often various household items should be cleaned. Hoping it would provide some useful tips or at least ease my guilt about my cleaning habits, I clicked the link. It was a huge mistake. The blissful ignorance I had about my housekeeping skills was shattered when I realized I was way behind on just about everything.
For a brief moment, I felt a wave of shame wash over me before I remembered that these standards likely apply to child-free individuals or those who find relaxation in a flurry of cleaning. I applaud those people, truly, but I’m definitely not in that camp.
As the saying goes, cleaning with kids is akin to brushing your teeth while munching on Oreos. Personally, I prefer to enjoy my Oreos with a side of wine. But I digress.
I’m not a messy person—I can’t stand clutter. I do my best to maintain a reasonably tidy home. However, keeping up with these cleaning standards? Not a chance. Let’s break down some of these ludicrous expectations together, shall we?
Daily Tasks:
Squeegee the shower walls and sweep the kitchen floors.
Squeegee the shower walls? Really? I don’t even own a squeegee! And even if I did, I wouldn’t waste precious shower time doing that, especially when my kids will just smear them with soap anyway. As for sweeping the kitchen floors daily? That’s a job for our pets.
Weekly Tasks:
Change bedsheets, sanitize sponges, and toss out unused food.
Change bedsheets every week? Who are these people? I’m lucky if I remember to swap mine out once a month. My kids’ sheets? They get a refresh only after a stomach bug. Have you ever tried to change bunk bed bedding? It’s practically a workout! And when I finally manage to wash them, I somehow always forget to transfer them to the dryer.
Monthly Tasks:
Dust the blinds and clean the washing machine.
I can’t even keep track of changing my sheets every month; laughing at the idea of dusting blinds is easier.
Every Few Months:
Vacuum the mattress, descale the coffee machine, and clean the fireplace.
If I can’t remember to change the sheets more than once a month, vacuuming the mattress is out of the question. Descaling the coffee machine? I have no clue what that even means! The one task I am nailing? Keeping my fireplace spotless—because we don’t even have one!
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In summary, while it’s nice to have a cleaning schedule, let’s be real—most of us aren’t living up to those lofty standards. Life is busy, and sometimes you just have to prioritize what really matters.