Parenting
By: Morgan Taylor
As I sit here, my cherished dolls—Sophie, Max, and Bella—rest peacefully in a box in my closet. Allow me to clarify: these beloved dolls are from my extensive collection, which began at the tender age of four when I received my first doll, Bella. She may be a bit worn, but she’s aged beautifully over the years. In my youthful imagination, I was the devoted mother to all my dolls.
You might wonder why I keep these nostalgic toys tucked away. The answer lies with my two boys. My 5-year-old, Alex, once stuck out his tongue at Bella, while my 2-year-old, Noah, would gleefully tear her apart given half the chance. I took great care of my dolls, eagerly waiting for the day my own daughter would play with them. My mother had promised me a lovely trunk to store them in, preserving them for my future little girl.
I grew up with a sister, and the bond we share with our mother is profound. I always envisioned myself as a mother to girls. In my daydreams during my teenage years, I pictured a mini-me playing with my cherished dolls and singing along to Broadway hits.
However, when I found out that my second child was a boy, I had to completely re-evaluate my expectations of motherhood. The fantasy of having a daughter, who would resemble me, vanished. I had hoped my boys would embrace my dolls, as I believe in breaking down traditional gender norms when it comes to toys. But alas, they have shown no interest—Alex even gave Bella a playful raspberry.
In my role as a clinical psychologist, I often guide mothers in reassessing their expectations. Specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety and stress, I frequently hear about the worry that arises when children aren’t quite who we imagined they would be. For every mother who sees her child as a mini-version of herself, there are countless others saying, “Where did this child come from?”
Moms enter motherhood with various expectations, often idealized—full of sunshine, cuddles, and perfect moments. Yet, my experiences and those of my clients suggest that reality rarely aligns with those dreams. You might have anticipated a desire to work, only to find yourself wanting to stay home, or perhaps you envisioned a more involved partner than what you currently have. Many mothers transition from wanting a big family to realizing that parenting is far more challenging than anticipated.
I often encourage my clients to let go of those idealized visions of motherhood and to embrace the present reality—whether that’s accepting who your child is, navigating your work-life balance, or understanding your relationship dynamics. Clinging to an unrealistic idea of motherhood only hinders your ability to parent effectively and take care of yourself.
As for me, I’ve traded my knowledge of the American Girl catalog for an expertise in the Bruder truck catalog. I can spot a construction vehicle from a mile away and virtually name every character from Sodor. It seems I’ve adjusted quite well. Sophie, Max, and Bella remain boxed up except for when fellow doll enthusiasts come to visit, at which point they make a delightful appearance.
Oh, and I should mention that my older son knows almost every line of the musical Hamilton and often sings it around the house. He may be a boy, but I can see glimpses of my own interests reflected in him.
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In summary, motherhood can be an unexpected journey filled with surprises. Embracing the realities of parenting, rather than clinging to idealized expectations, is crucial for finding joy in your unique experience.