“I absolutely adore my children. No doubt about it.” I say this not as a plea for validation, but perhaps the addition of “no doubt about it” gives away my inner thoughts a bit. Let me clarify: “I love my kids. No doubt about it. But…” But I also cherish the time I get to spend away from them. Yes, you read that right.
As they were growing up, my favorite part of the day became bedtime. I know many parents feel this way, but I dare say my joy was on another level. Bedtime signified freedom for me. It was my opportunity to reclaim my identity, even if just for a fleeting moment. I could read, organize, do laundry, or simply enjoy my own company. No little ones hanging on my shirt, no whines to endure, no bickering to mediate, and no meals to prepare. Just me enjoying a mini-vacation from the chaos of parenting.
Tucking them in was always followed by a celebratory dance down the hall once the doors were closed and the lights dimmed. My arms would raise in triumph, a sweet moment of victory.
I truly believe that this is why many moms turn to wine and become night owls. We just need space to breathe, a moment to step away from our roles as caregivers. The sight of the school bus rolling away was a delight. Watching my kids step on that bus filled me with an exhilarating sense of joy—one that couldn’t be replicated. Even if my next task was cleaning or cooking, at least I could do it without interruption, enjoying some guilt-free couch time with a bowl of buttered noodles and my favorite TV show. Suddenly, my home transformed into a judgment-free zone.
Let’s not forget the magic of playdates. I was a big fan of those. When my kids were off at a friend’s house, I experienced a sense of euphoria. And yes, I always returned the favor; I wasn’t the mom who dropped her kids off and disappeared. But when they hopped out of my car and into someone else’s life for a few hours, it felt like the universe opened up. I didn’t have to worry about molding their future or being responsible for their happiness.
The relief I felt in those moments was genuine. Without them around, I couldn’t mess them up. I didn’t have to filter my thoughts or emotions or always be “Mom.” For a brief time, I could simply be myself, free from the responsibilities of parenting.
And honestly, nothing has changed now that they’re older. I still revel in their plans and appreciate the quiet when they aren’t home. It allows me to worry from a distance rather than up close and personal.
Maybe I’m being too candid, but it’s the truth. And it’s crucial to acknowledge that truth. I want to be clear: I still lie awake at night thinking about them. My love for them is fierce and unconditional, and I genuinely enjoy our time together. If they’re unhappy, I feel it deeply. If they’re struggling, I’m right there to help them through it. Whether it’s jumping into my car half-dressed to rescue them or spending hours discussing their issues, I’m always present. I’m the one who decorates for the holidays and prepares care packages filled with treats and essentials, accompanied by heartfelt notes.
But here’s the twist: I also relish the moments when I’m not needed. I love the independence we’ve cultivated. I’ve raised my kids to be responsible adults, capable of navigating life on their own. They can pursue their paths, and I can pursue mine, creating a harmonious balance.
I’ve earned my time away from the “Mom Store,” and I enjoy it immensely. They know I’ll always be there, even if I’m lounging in the back room with a bowl of buttered noodles on my lap, ready to support them from a distance.
In Summary
It’s okay to love your kids and still appreciate the moments you have to yourself. Finding that balance is not only healthy for you but also beneficial for them as they learn independence and self-sufficiency.
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