“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” – Barbara de Angelis
Recently, my partner and I enjoyed a refreshing weekend away from the chaos of parenting. We attended a concert, indulged in delicious meals, wandered the streets deep in conversation, and stayed at a chic hotel. It was blissful. Yet, just three days later, I found myself staring at my partner with unease, exclaiming, “I think we are drifting apart!” He nodded knowingly, “I’ve sensed the rut too.”
One of the challenges of being in business with your spouse is that it’s all too easy to fall into a routine. The gradual drift can feel as subtle as the tide receding from the shore. Being together frequently can make us complacent, leading us to forget the importance of dedicating quality time to our relationship. We don’t always prioritize meaningful moments; instead, we often find ourselves running errands or tackling tasks for our business, merely coexisting rather than engaging.
When I notice us slipping into these ruts, I raise the alarm. I share my feelings as soon as I detect any emotional distance so we can tackle it head-on. My partner sometimes thinks I’m being overly dramatic, but I refuse to passively watch our connection fade. Who wants to exist in a household where two people are merely existing side by side without truly seeing or hearing one another?
It’s entirely possible to be productive, manage our home, prepare nutritious meals, lead active lives, parent effectively, and advance our careers—all while in a rut. This reality can be the most concerning aspect. The drift happens, and we may find ourselves coasting through life on autopilot, devoid of genuine emotion. So yes, I may be dramatic, but I create a scene when I sense that distance growing.
At times, it’s crucial to establish clearer boundaries with work or technology. We might have a strategic meeting to outline our business goals, but then we can put the kids to bed early and enjoy a dinner and an indie movie—without any discussions about work or devices interrupting our time together.
Sometimes, we need our own personal space within our home. We’ve set it up so that our children must knock before entering our bedroom. This intentional decision ensures we maintain a sanctuary that is solely ours. Other times, we simply need to have fun together. Not long ago, we decided we needed to reconnect and spent half an hour jumping on our trampoline, laughing until our sides hurt. Simple activities like a quiet dinner, a tech-free coffee chat, a leisurely walk, or even a workout can effectively break the cycle of monotony.
Just as I strive to redirect my focus in various aspects of my life, I must also channel my energy and emotions during designated time with my partner. Establishing boundaries has become essential. We both need to be recognized as individuals with our own interests and opinions—not just business collaborators. After all, we are human beings, not just human doings.
This balancing act necessitates intentional efforts. I firmly believe that thriving marriages don’t occur by chance; they require ongoing work, fine-tuning, and attention. We must avoid slipping into autopilot and actively embrace the moments we share as a couple.
Once I expressed my concerns about our rut, my partner and I took the kids to the pool and spent two hours discussing what was happening in our relationship. We explored potential causes and brainstormed solutions for improvement. Some of my behaviors were surprising to both of us. We listened and truly heard one another. Those instances of open dialogue are what I cherish most about our marriage. After 15 years together, we recognize that even the strongest partnerships can face challenges. If we excel in business and raise content children but neglect our relationship—the foundation upon which we build our dreams—we will have missed the essence entirely.
It is our responsibility to stay attuned to the health of our marriage and prevent the onset of ruts. For further insights into nurturing your relationship, check out this blog post on revitalizing connections. Additionally, if you’re considering expanding your family, Healthline offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those looking into at-home options, visit Make a Mom for a dependable selection of at-home insemination syringe kits.
In summary, revitalizing your marriage takes effort and commitment. By prioritizing quality time, setting boundaries, and maintaining open lines of communication, you can combat the ruts and strengthen your bond.