This past weekend, my friend Lisa and her little boy spent the night at our home. As expected, her son was a bit out of sorts, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar environment. He cried, clung to her side, and had a tough time falling asleep. Our house is no longer babyproofed—especially around the stairs, which we’ve been thrilled to leave unblocked. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any baby gates available to quickly put up.
As the days went by, I noticed Lisa kept apologizing for her son’s “behavior,” insisting, “He’s not usually like this.” My husband and I repeatedly reassured her that it was perfectly fine; we understood completely. Yet, it was clear she was struggling to shake off her embarrassment.
Embracing the Chaos
Here’s something I wish she could grasp: I genuinely enjoy witnessing other kids throw tantrums.
I mean it. Whining, crying, throwing fits—these are all part of the parenthood experience (well, except maybe when they wake me up at night). You might wonder why I feel this way. It’s because, more often than not, I find myself in the same boat as Lisa. I feel embarrassed when my kids act out—too loud, too rambunctious, too rude. I often feel the need to apologize for their behavior and my perceived lack of control.
Seeing her son have a meltdown reminds me that my kids aren’t the only ones who throw epic tantrums. It’s a comforting reminder that other children also have their off days. I often need to remind myself that the perfectly curated images I see on social media, or the seemingly flawless kids I encounter at gatherings, are not the standard.
A Shared Experience
So, my dear friend, rest assured that I’m not annoyed when you have to excuse yourself to help your son who’s halfway up the stairs. In fact, I appreciate seeing that kind of spirited behavior because I often worry my children might have oppositional defiant disorder.
When your son cried throughout the day, I was not perturbed. My son had his share of screaming fits during his first year. Honestly, I wasn’t even aware that your son cried until this weekend, and it was a relief to know he has his moments too.
You were clearly frustrated when he didn’t settle down for a nap like he does at home. You had to keep going upstairs to remind him to lie down. I’m over the jealousy I felt when we took our infants out for lunch: your son slept peacefully in his carrier while mine was busy launching food across the table and refusing to sit still.
Finding Comfort in the Chaos
So, please, don’t apologize for your child’s outbursts. When I see him clinging to your legs and crying for you to pick him up, I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. It reassures me that my children aren’t the little monsters I sometimes believe them to be.
I’m sincere when I say I’m delighted to see that your child is not the perfect angel I previously imagined. Let him cry, little buddy; it lightens my heart.
And the next time I find myself in a similar situation with my kids, perhaps I won’t feel as embarrassed. I’ll remember that even your kids have their moments of chaos.
Explore More
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In Summary
Let’s embrace the messiness of parenting together. Our kids will have their ups and downs, and that’s completely normal.