This summer, as I dropped my son off at my father’s house for his annual visit, we engaged in some light conversation. Suddenly, my father looked around his yard and remarked, “I’m glad your son is here to help tidy up. It would be nice if it looked like a place where a white person lives.” He laughed, and my son laughed too, following his grandfather’s lead, although I’m certain he didn’t grasp the implications of those words.
I, however, did not laugh. I grew up hearing comments like this, dismissing them as jokes when I was younger. My father, a product of his Southern upbringing and devout Southern Baptist parents, always sought attention through these remarks, believing them to be harmless humor. They think they’re superior and have a passive way of expressing their biases. It saddens me that I didn’t challenge them until my twenties — but better late than never, right?
While I never adopted my father’s language, I also never deemed it serious enough to address. I would brush it off, thinking it wasn’t my battle to fight. But having my own children shifted my perspective entirely. The realization that my son might hear such comments ignited a fire of anger within me. I can’t shield him from all the prejudice in the world, but I can certainly intervene when someone speaks disrespectfully in front of him, even if that someone is my father, who views his comments as innocuous.
Words have power; they hurt those they target and also impact the listeners — especially the younger generation we are nurturing to be more accepting and compassionate than past generations. We must break this damaging cycle of racism and bigotry that has persisted through the ages. It’s a cycle that brings fear, anger, and suffering to countless individuals, and it must end with us.
On that August afternoon, I mustered the courage to confront my father. It’s not common for me to speak up, but I realized that my subtle hints about his comments hadn’t made an impact. I drew a line: “No, Dad, please don’t talk like that in front of my son. He hears you.” My father, towering over me at over six feet, paused, eyes downcast. “I was just trying to be funny,” he retorted. “That’s not funny, Dad. Not at all,” I replied firmly.
Since that day, he has refrained from making such remarks around me. I hope I prompted him to reconsider his words, but it’s challenging to change a mindset shaped over decades. He is my father, and despite my love for him, it pains me to see how his narrow worldview has limited his experiences and acceptance of others.
I’m grateful my son witnessed that exchange. Had he not been there, I might have brushed it off again, resigning myself to the belief that my father was a lost cause. Instead, he saw me stand up for what is right, rejecting my father’s excuses and advocating for everyone affected by such language.
It’s time to break this cycle, starting with us.
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In summary, it’s crucial to confront outdated and harmful beliefs, especially when they affect our children. We owe it to the next generation to foster an environment of acceptance and understanding, breaking the cycle of prejudice for good.