Updated: Feb. 8, 2017
Originally Published: November 30, 2016
Let’s be real: parenting has done a number on my brain. I’m not referring to the typical “mommy brain,” that foggy state that often hits during the early years when sleepless nights are the norm. My kids are older now, past the toddler stage, and should theoretically require less hands-on attention. I should be beyond the days of forgetting simple words.
And yet, here I am, grappling with my thoughts daily. Just recently, during a frantic rush to leave the house for yet another mandatory event, I found myself stammering, “Where’s my…uh, bag? The leather…you know, the one for my stuff. Ugh! Where did I put it? I swear I left it right here on the…that thing we eat on. Gah!”
Purse. Dining table. Basic English. Am I losing my mind? No, I’m convinced it’s my children’s fault. Parenthood is to blame. That chaotic sentence emerged amidst a storm of reminders: “Put your shoes on!” “Did you go to the bathroom yet?” (Thanks to her nervous bladder, my 6-year-old is always concerned about that), “Seriously, did you just leave the milk out again?” And don’t get me started on why all the upstairs lights are still on!
And that’s just a snapshot of my daily chaos. Increasingly, I feel frustrated by how much of my mental energy is consumed by parenting—wrangling my kids, giving them instructions, supporting them, planning for them, and yes, even feeling guilty about them.
I always knew parenting would be a monumental endeavor. I understood there would be sacrifices. But there are aspects of this journey that you really can’t grasp until you’re knee-deep in it, and by then, it’s too late to reconsider.
I never imagined I’d spend half an hour untangling a knot, or be interrupted while working because one child got their head stuck under the couch, or have to stop everything because an entire roll of toilet paper somehow ended up in a toilet full of…well, you get the picture.
The constant barrage of noise is another issue altogether—my kids seem to have a talent for creating distractions, even when they don’t need anything from me: singing, humming, banging, screeching, yodeling—the noise is relentless. How can anyone think under these conditions?
I miss my ability to think clearly. I miss constructing full sentences. I long for the days of college when I was challenged to explore complex ideas and could lose myself in profound concepts. Now, I’d settle for a single uninterrupted thought. Unfortunately, my children’s needs fill every available space in my mind.
Just as I was typing the word “brain,” my daughter, who’s 6, dashed up to me and said, “Mommy! You know that jiggly stuff on your leg? That’s all muscle so you can hold yourself up!” Sure, she’s adorable, but seriously… I’m trying to focus here!
Where was I? Oh right, my kids are constantly on me, making noise, distracting me, and driving my brain to the brink of exhaustion.
Do any other parents of older kids feel this way? Am I losing it? Am I too invested?
I do encourage my kids to entertain themselves and resolve their conflicts independently. I’m not a helicopter parent. But even encouraging them to play on their own requires time, energy, and creativity. By the time they finally leave me alone, I’m often too mentally drained to think the thoughts I want to think.
And just as I begin to find a moment of peace, I hear the unmistakable sounds of conflict—screaming, crashing, or crying. Just like that, my thoughts are gone.
The other day, in a rare moment of quiet, I asked my partner how on earth anyone manages to raise more than two children. I told him that if I had to handle more, I’d probably lose my sanity.
He reminded me that one day, I’d miss these chaotic times—that the silence in our home would feel heavier than the noise ever did. That’s not what I wanted to hear. But deep down, I know he’s right. Someday, I’ll long for this madness.
Right now, though, my mind feels stretched so thin that it’s hard to find the mental capacity to appreciate the moment. It feels like a complex task, akin to solving quadratic equations.
So until that blissfully quiet day arrives, I’ll keep fighting the good fight. I’ll seek out moments of calm, keep my office door locked, and shoo my beloved children away when I truly need to work. At least until the next time someone gets their head stuck under the couch.
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Summary
Motherhood brings a unique set of challenges that can feel overwhelming and mentally exhausting, even as children grow older. The constant demands on a parent’s attention can lead to feelings of frustration and mental fatigue, making it difficult to think clearly or appreciate the moment.