Parenting
By Jessica Thompson
I had long been aware of the debates surrounding homework and the substantial evidence suggesting it’s often ineffective, particularly in elementary education. I’d come across numerous articles critiquing parents who complete their children’s assignments for them, but thankfully, I never found myself in that camp. (To be honest, I can barely decipher third-grade math myself!)
Nonetheless, I was guilty of hovering and nagging. For several years, the hours from 3 to 6 p.m. transformed into a battleground where I’d plead with my son to just sit down and tackle his homework. Dinner plans and TV time were postponed until he finally engaged with his assignments. While we always allowed him some downtime after school, I would eventually push him to get to work.
He would eventually finish, usually in about 15 minutes, but the hours I spent nagging were wildly disproportionate to the actual time he dedicated to his homework. And the irony? I didn’t even believe in the benefits of homework!
So, as my son began fourth grade, I resolved to adopt a different strategy. I didn’t abandon him completely; I still checked in to see if he had assignments and offered help if needed. But I decided to let him take charge of his homework.
To my astonishment, the outcomes have been remarkably positive. Initially, it wasn’t smooth sailing. He’d often remember his homework just as he was settling into bed, requiring him to jump up and complete it, which disrupted our evening routine. Sometimes he’d wake up realizing the work hadn’t been done and would blame me for not reminding him.
“It’s not my job, buddy,” I would reply, reminding him how much he disliked my constant reminders.
Fast forward a few months into the school year, and something incredible occurred. He began doing his homework on his own, without my prompting at least most of the time. Sure, there are moments when he still forgets and I offer gentle reminders, but he usually manages to complete it.
Moreover, I’ve noticed a significant boost in his motivation toward schoolwork. He’s eager to perform well on his assignments and even asks for my help to study. Just last weekend, he enthusiastically spent four hours preparing for the upcoming spelling bee!
Granted, my son has a competitive nature and generally enjoys school, so this approach may not yield the same results for every child. However, taking a step back and allowing your child to take responsibility for their homework is crucial for fostering academic discipline over time.
Consider this: You won’t be there every step of the way in their educational journey—or in life, for that matter. There’s a vital lesson here—hovering over our children can be suffocating, and it often leads to frustration for everyone involved. It’s natural to want to intervene, especially regarding academics, as we desire our kids to succeed (and let’s be real, their achievements can bolster our pride too).
Nevertheless, the best way for children to grow and become self-sufficient is by allowing them to make mistakes and even fail at times. That’s how they learn that their desire to succeed should stem from within and not be merely a response to external pressures.
So, it’s time to stop being the homework police. Step back from the relentless nagging and hovering. It might feel daunting initially—and yes, your child might stumble—but ultimately, giving them the reins over their responsibilities will ease the burden on everyone and contribute to their long-term success.
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In summary, stepping back from the homework battleground has led to positive changes in my son’s attitude towards his schoolwork. Allowing him to take responsibility has not only reduced my stress but has also fostered his independence and motivation.