In the realm of relationships, it’s often said that love is more than just a feeling; it’s an action. If you’ve ever encountered the wisdom of Stephen Covey, you might remember his insightful exchange with a man who felt he had fallen out of love with his spouse. Covey’s response was simple yet profound: “Love her.” When the man protested that the feeling was absent, Covey insisted, “Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s precisely why you should love her.”
This exchange encapsulates a crucial truth: love is a verb. It’s about actively engaging in the relationship rather than passively waiting for emotions to guide you. But what does this look like in practice?
When my partner, Sarah, and I first crossed paths at a local coffee shop in 2005, it was electric. I was drawn to her laughter, her spirit, and the way her smile could light up a room. We fell for each other easily, and it felt effortless. However, over the course of nearly 15 years, life has settled into a rhythm, and our love has transformed.
With a family of three lively kids, our evenings often consist of a brief window where we might sit together, each lost in our respective screens, often with a show running in the background. It’s a stark contrast to the passion we once had, and sometimes, it feels like we’re drifting apart. But that’s a common misconception—if love can be found, it can also be lost. Yet, real love involves steering the course of your relationship, not just coasting along.
True love is about ongoing gestures: it’s sending sweet texts throughout the day, sharing chores, offering a listening ear, and supporting one another through life’s challenges. It’s stepping in to care for the kids when your partner needs a breather, even if you’re exhausted. It’s about compromise—finding solutions where everyone can meet halfway. Love is doing the laundry for your partner when they’re caught up in work, or simply being there to cheer them on in their pursuits, whether it’s a degree or a side gig.
Love encompasses those moments when one of you is buried in work or pursuing a passion, and the other takes on more responsibilities. It’s about ensuring that both partners have time for themselves. It’s appreciating the physical changes that come with time, recognizing the beauty in the sacrifices made for family.
This is what Covey meant when he emphasized that “love is a verb.” It’s evident in the late nights spent caring for a sick child or helping with homework after a long day. Yet, many couples seem to forget this active approach to love.
Sheryl Paul, a renowned author and counselor, highlights a significant issue: “It’s a tragic reality that far too many people walk away from solid, healthy relationships because their experience doesn’t match cultural expectations. […] We need to shift our focus from ‘you complete me’ to ‘you inspire me to be my best self.’” This shift is vital for building a solid foundation in marriage.
While Sarah and I may not excel in every aspect, I feel her love through her actions, just as I hope she feels mine. Long-lasting love is neither euphoric nor drug-like; it requires practicality, sacrifice, and intentionality. It’s about committing to love even when it’s challenging—when your partner’s quirks become irritating or when their habits drive you up the wall. In those moments, choosing to love means digging deep and embracing their imperfections.
Marriage isn’t always easy, and love is not merely a feeling. It’s an active choice, a verb that requires effort and dedication. For more insights on navigating relationships and starting a family, check out this excellent resource on IVF processes, or discover reputable online retailers like BabyMaker for home insemination kits. And for those interested in further reading, this blog post dives deeper into the dynamics of love and commitment.
In summary, love is an ongoing action that requires mindfulness, effort, and a willingness to grow together. It’s a journey that, while sometimes challenging, is ultimately rewarding.
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