Recently, I found myself in a thought-provoking conversation with a group of friends, all preparing to send their high school seniors off to college this fall. We delved into topics like empty nest syndrome, the stress of choosing a major, and the daunting financial burden of it all. As I still have a few years before my eldest heads to college, I listened intently, gaining valuable insights.
One friend mentioned that her child was going to college as an undecided major, which honestly left me a bit stunned. Reflecting on my own teenage years, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out while enjoying my time in my cozy dorm.” While I had a clear goal of becoming a nurse, I also understood that my parents were investing in my education amidst their responsibilities for my siblings. I made it a priority to complete my degree promptly because it wasn’t solely about me.
As I prepare for the emotional moment of dropping my son off at college, I am also grappling with the financial implications of funding his education. My daughter will follow suit a few years later, leading me to realize that our savings could equate to a luxury car each year for eight years—or two college degrees. While the car sounds tempting, the responsible adult in me knows the priority is my children’s education.
From the moment my kids entered the world, my husband and I started saving for their college funds. We decided early on that we would cover their higher education expenses, just as our families had supported us. By diligently saving and investing gifts they’ve received since birth, we’ve managed to grow their college funds significantly.
However, our financial support comes with a crucial condition: my children must have a clear vision for their future before I contribute to their college expenses. I refuse to pay for my kid to spend four years “finding themselves” amid frat parties and ski trips. My husband and I have worked tirelessly to save money over the last 13 years, and I won’t let a confused teenager squander it all while figuring out their life path.
When I express these thoughts to my friends, they chuckle and remind me of the overbearing father from the film Some Kind of Wonderful, who meticulously plans his son’s business education, much to his son’s dismay. The movie concludes with the son using his college fund for diamond earrings and a date, leaving the father to ponder his mistakes.
But I’m not that dad. I won’t impose a specific career on my kids or live through their choices. I simply want to ensure that, while I can finance their education, they won’t waste that opportunity. I’ll gladly support their educational endeavors, but they must have a well-defined plan.
Today, many young adults are given the freedom to “find themselves” without being held to high standards. This shift in parenting has led to a generation that can sometimes seem entitled. My kids aren’t entitled to my financial support any more than I’m entitled to dictate their career choices. It’s a partnership that requires mutual effort to ensure their education is purposeful and applicable in the real world.
As college approaches, my husband and I will encourage our children to explore their aspirations well before they start accessing our hard-earned money. We’ll engage them in conversations about their future, the regions they might want to live in, and what brings them joy. Visits to college campuses will be on the agenda, along with sharing my own college experiences.
I know I’ll shed some tears when I help him unpack in that tiny dorm room with a hefty price tag. But rest assured, the tears will be from missing him—not from wishing I could buy that luxury car instead.
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Summary
This article discusses the balance between financial support for children’s education and ensuring they have clear goals for their future. The author shares personal experiences and reflections on parenting, emphasizing the importance of mutual accountability in the educational journey.
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