It’s a curious phenomenon, isn’t it? Many mothers tend to minimize their accomplishments, often diminishing their own worth in front of others. “Oh, my cupcakes didn’t turn out that great,” says a mom who poured hours into perfecting them for a school event. “I’m not really doing this right,” admits a mother who has successfully juggled work, helped with homework, navigated tween drama, and maintained her relationship all in one week. “It’s not like I’m special; countless women have done this,” remarks a woman who has nurtured a life within her, given birth, and sustained that life with her own body.
When faced with compliments, it’s all too common for some of us to deflect praise or even criticize ourselves. Here are a few reasons I believe this occurs, along with why we should change this behavior.
Feeling Undeserving of Praise
Many individuals struggle with accepting compliments. This discomfort often stems from past experiences where shame was prevalent, but it can also arise from a general lack of self-esteem. The truth is simple: if you don’t deserve recognition, then neither does anyone else. You’re just as valuable as any other human being and equally deserving of acknowledgment. While it may take practice to resist the urge to downplay your achievements, try to simply accept compliments without the need for self-critique. You don’t have to boast, but there’s no need to undermine your own worth when someone else celebrates it.
Confusing Self-Deprecation with Humility
Humility is indeed a virtue that our society often lacks, but self-deprecation isn’t the same. Criticizing ourselves isn’t humble; it’s counterproductive. One of the most gracious individuals I’ve encountered was a woman known for her inspiring speeches. After one event, she received compliments with a warm, “Thank you, you’re so kind.” Her response uplifted others, demonstrating that humility elevates those around us, whereas self-deprecation can leave others feeling compelled to lift us up.
Fearing Rejection
Confidence comes with its own set of risks. When we allow ourselves to feel self-assured, we expose ourselves to potential criticism, which can be intimidating. Some may resort to self-deprecation as a means of preempting rejection. By putting ourselves down first, we believe we can shield ourselves from external judgment. However, this self-criticism only serves to harm us. Most people who engage in self-deprecation wouldn’t dream of belittling a friend’s achievements—so why do we do it to ourselves? Let’s strive to treat ourselves with the same kindness we offer to others.
Moms, in particular, must abandon the habit of self-deprecation. When we downplay the challenges and significance of motherhood, we do a disservice to our children and ourselves. Motherhood is undeniably challenging and profoundly important, and our kids need to understand that. If we fail to value our role, how can we advocate for better maternal support, family leave policies, or societal recognition for both working and stay-at-home moms?
By devaluing our daily contributions, we send a message to our children about self-worth. Kids learn more from our actions than our words. Are we modeling respect and confidence for them? We can’t expect our children to recognize their own strength if we criticize our own.
So, let’s own our brilliance and celebrate one another, mamas. Our efforts in raising thoughtful, compassionate children deserve recognition. The next time someone compliments your parenting, your achievements, or your style, respond with a simple, “Thank you. You’re so kind.” Accept your greatness with humility, and the world will follow suit.
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In summary, it’s crucial for moms to recognize and celebrate their worth. By embracing our accomplishments and treating ourselves with kindness, we not only uplift ourselves but also set a powerful example for our children.
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