“We have something special here,” the woman at the booth called out, her voice bright with enthusiasm. I glanced down and spotted the small glass bowl brimming with mini chocolate bars. Inside, I felt a familiar wave of frustration wash over me.
“No thanks, I saw it,” I replied. “My kids can’t eat any of that.” My three boys stood behind me, a line of eager faces, yet they knew the answer was still a firm no.
“Oh no! Why not?” the vendor asked, her tone genuinely curious. It’s a common question, and one I’ve gotten used to answering. Maybe they think I’m being overly strict, and perhaps they want to challenge my decision.
“They have a milk intolerance,” I explained.
“Oh dear! Aren’t they being good by not reaching for it? We certainly don’t want anyone ending up in the emergency room!”
While that’s not quite the definition of an intolerance, I appreciated her relief that I wasn’t some tyrannical parent. But really, who turns down candy? Who says no to a tempting Krackle bar?
I do. I say no, repeatedly. Because I know exactly how that Krackle bar would play out: initially, my boys would seem fine. But within hours, my oldest would morph into a whirlwind of chaos, screaming and throwing things, declaring “I hate you, Mom!” while lashing out at his brothers.
My middle child would be in constant meltdown mode, refusing to eat, buckling into his seat, or would kick the dog. Meanwhile, my youngest would dissolve into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
The same story unfolds with gluten and food dyes. It took us years to uncover their sensitivities, with milk intolerance being the first clue. According to Reflux Rebels, infants with milk intolerance often experience “excess gassiness, irritability, and severe reflux.” My kids have outgrown most of these symptoms, but they still struggle with irritability and fussiness. They also face non-celiac gluten sensitivity, which brings a host of challenges, including “foggy mind” and ADHD-like behavior, according to the Celiac Disease Foundation.
The connection between food dyes and behavioral issues in children has garnered attention recently, particularly for those with ADHD. An accidental consumption of milk, gluten, or dye can derail an entire weekend. My husband and I find ourselves exhausted, lying on the bed, me lamenting about our children’s wild behavior, and him reassuring me that it was “just the milk.” We’ve even learned to trace back to the source of their reactions—who knew that German sausage contained milk?
I’ve become that mom—constantly asking questions. Does that dish contain butter? Is there milk in your scrambled eggs? I’m always on high alert. If I didn’t prepare the meal myself, I double-check everything. This habit can annoy my husband, especially when I’m asking about ingredients in a restaurant known for not using milk in their dishes. But I’ve seen recipes change unexpectedly, and I can’t risk it.
These intolerances mean my children miss out on many typical childhood treats. They’ve never had a Krackle bar or a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Halloween is particularly disheartening; almost every candy contains milk, gluten, or food dye. So when they can indulge, I ensure it’s a safe option. My kids love dark chocolate without milk, which many kids shy away from. They also enjoy meringues and coconut macaroons. I stock up on allergy-friendly treats and even bake special cakes for birthdays, ensuring they have something sweet while their friends enjoy the usual goodies. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it.
Many people express their sympathy, but they don’t understand that “just a taste” can lead to chaos. My mom thought I was being overly cautious until she witnessed Blaise react to butter—she became a believer instantly. Others occasionally argue, thinking that since I use the term “intolerant” rather than “allergic,” it’s up for debate. It’s not. Unless you want to manage my kids for the next few days, please keep your snacks to yourself.
When we first removed gluten from Blaise’s diet due to his behavioral issues, our weekly waitress was informed discreetly. By the end of the meal, she remarked how dramatically his demeanor had shifted, vowing to never offer him gluten again. That moment solidified my belief that others can see the difference too.
Fortunately, there are substitutions available for many foods—bread products, waffles, sodas, and candies. Trader Joe’s even offers gluten- and milk-free treats, which allows my kids to enjoy some semblance of normalcy.
But please, don’t put mainstream foods in front of them. Don’t pressure me into giving them something they can’t have. Yes, even a single taste can cause mayhem. I’m not a crazy mom; I just know what my kids need to thrive. I can’t survive the aftermath of their reactions if I don’t stick to what works.
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In summary, managing my children’s food intolerances is a constant battle, but one that I embrace for their well-being. Their reactions may be severe, but with careful planning and alternative treats, they still find joy in their experiences. I just ask for understanding and support from those around us.
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