As you navigate the fourth grade, I can’t help but marvel at how quickly you’ve grown. With your long limbs and newfound independence, it’s clear you’re becoming your own person. Your dad and I have always known this day would come, but witnessing your self-sufficiency takes my breath away. Since you were six, you’ve confidently walked to school on your own, and you often take on the role of caregiver to your little sister, even more than I do some days.
While I should be accustomed to the blessings of parenthood, I find myself surprised by the depth of my feelings. The challenges that come with raising you often leave me feeling inadequate. I’m in awe of your brilliance and struggle with my own shortcomings in parenting. You’ve taught me invaluable lessons since your baby days—how to care for someone, the importance of love and kindness, and how to appreciate the joy of being in a loving relationship, especially with you and your amazing dad.
I used to write to you often, capturing moments and thoughts about our lives together. But as you’ve grown and I’ve become busier, those writings have faded. Instead of documenting our journey, we’ve been living it, and I miss that connection. When I dedicate time to reflect on you—your triumphs, your challenges, your dreams—I feel closer to you. I realize that while I’ve respected your growing privacy, I sometimes lose touch with the depth of my feelings for you.
There’s something powerful about remembering these moments. They remind me of the little girl you once were and the incredible person you’re becoming. But lately, I’ve noticed a distance forming between us. It’s scary to see you growing, and in my attempt to protect myself from the changes, I sometimes pull away. I never meant for this to happen, but it’s a reminder that no one is perfect, especially when it comes to relationships.
You were the first person I loved unconditionally, and that love has evolved as we’ve both matured. You’re stepping into your tween years, filled with excitement and curiosity, while I sometimes feel weighed down by my concerns. Watching you cartwheel through life is a joy, but I find myself caught up in worry and reflection. On good days, I can see all the versions of you—your past loves, your struggles—and I feel immense gratitude for having you in my life.
Most days, I commit your essence to memory, reminding my heart to stay open to you. But I also recognize that I sometimes close myself off due to the chaos of life. I miss you, even though you may not need me as much anymore. You’re doing okay, and that’s so important, yet I need to remind myself that you still benefit from my presence—open and willing to be there for you.
As your independence grows, I find more time for myself. I occasionally choose solitude over connection, but I work hard to balance that with our relationship. The space between us is both a relief and a source of heartache. I strive to ensure it doesn’t consume me, and instead focus on the opportunities to reconnect, to be supportive, and to embrace our bond.
I want to cultivate a deeper relationship with you, my child—the one who has shaped me as much as I’ve shaped you. You see me, you inspire me, and even when I falter, your love remains steadfast. We’re on this journey together, navigating the ups and downs of life as mother and daughter.
Today is a moment just for us—a trip to the grocery store where we can share a caramel steamer and an Americano. Today is about embracing change, recognizing growth, and finding our footing amid the whirlwind of life. It’s about seizing those moments to connect and being honest with ourselves and each other.
For more insights into this journey of motherhood, check out our post on home insemination, and if you’re considering at-home options, visit Make a Mom for quality kits. Additionally, ASRM offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, as we navigate this transition, I’m committed to fostering our bond and embracing the moments we share. Together, we can continue to grow and learn from one another, no matter how much distance may appear between us.
Leave a Reply