I have to admit, I’m not the best at picking out gifts. It’s not just a matter of being modest or trying to justify my lack of effort; I genuinely struggle with gift-giving at a fundamental level.
If you’re at all familiar with the concept of the Five Love Languages, you’ll know that “gift giving” is one of them. I took the assessment, and unsurprisingly, “acts of service” topped my list, with “words of affirmation” not far behind. “Gift giving” was at the bottom—so low that I’m not even sure I earned any points for it. Gifts hold little significance for me personally, nor do I express my affection through them.
Honestly, I have no inherent gift-giving instincts. When I get an invitation to a birthday celebration, it doesn’t even register in my mind what I should give the birthday person. It usually hits me the day before—or sometimes the morning of—that I need to find a gift, leading to a last-minute scramble. While I think frequently about the individual and feel gratitude for having them in my life, the idea of selecting a gift simply doesn’t surface.
Now, I’m not lacking in generosity overall. I’m more than willing to babysit your kids to give you a breather, write you a heartfelt letter, or find ways to enhance your life. I’ll gladly offer you almost anything you might need, and my home is always open for you to share in my hospitality. I possess a genuine spirit of generosity; it just doesn’t translate into gift-giving.
My close friends and family are well aware of my gifting failings, which helps ease the pressure. However, it’s not entirely smooth sailing, as there are other occasions where gift-giving is expected. I completely miss the boat on these situations. When social norms suggest bringing a hostess gift, for instance, I’m utterly clueless. Holiday gifts for coworkers, teachers, and mail carriers? The list is a mystery to me. The holiday season is particularly overwhelming for those of us who struggle with gift-giving. Birthdays and anniversaries are a close second.
Fortunately, my partner shares my lack of gift-giving skills, which works out well for us. Our version of celebrating birthdays or anniversaries is often to say, “How about we finally buy that high-speed blender we’ve been wanting and call it our gift to each other?” This arrangement suits us perfectly. I can’t even recall the last time we exchanged a traditional gift—wrapped and surprising. It just doesn’t happen, and we’re both perfectly content with that.
Part of my struggle might stem from a desire for simplicity. I don’t want to give someone something unnecessary that will merely collect dust until they feel guilty enough to donate it. When I do manage to give a gift, it’s usually something like flowers or candy—items that don’t last long. But even those gifts make me anxious. Flowers wilt, and candy just adds to someone’s dietary challenges.
I tend to overthink these things. If it’s truly the thought that counts, can’t I simply think about the person and express that sentiment verbally instead of relying on material gifts? I know that many of you who excel at gift-giving might not relate to these sentiments at all. I have wonderful friends who thrive in the realm of thoughtful presents, and I admire their enthusiasm. I just hope my thoughtfulness, expressed through actions and words rather than ribbons and bows, is understood.
To all you exceptional gift-givers out there, happy gifting! And to my fellow gift-challenged friends, hang in there during the holiday season. You’re not alone in this struggle.
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In summary, gift-giving can often be a daunting task for some of us, but understanding and supporting one another is what truly counts.
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