Phrases like “man up,” “grow some balls,” and “don’t be such a wimp” are all too common in our society. They strike a chord with me as I strive to raise my sons to be strong and capable, but also kind and emotionally intelligent. My goal is to nurture boys who will grow into confident men, secure in their identities and unafraid to express their emotions, whether they are feeling joy, sadness, or fear.
I firmly believe that our boys don’t need to be told to “man up” just as our daughters shouldn’t be pressured to “act like a lady.” Here’s why that mindset is fundamentally flawed:
Emotions Are Personal
No one else gets to dictate how a boy should feel—those feelings belong to him alone. I don’t want my sons to feel that they must suppress their emotions like sadness or anxiety. These feelings are natural and seeking support is a healthy response. Telling them to bottle it up sends a damaging message: that their emotions are unworthy and should be hidden away. This creates a cycle of shame that can lead to frustration and anger later on.
Strength in Vulnerability
Boys can embody both toughness and empathy. They can cry when they’re hurt and cheer when they’re elated. If they feel pressured to conform to the “strong, silent type,” who does that really serve? The truth is, one can be strong and still show vulnerability. It’s a disservice to them to suggest otherwise, as it may lead to unresolved feelings and emotional difficulties in the future.
The Impact on Relationships
Using phrases like “man up” in front of girls sends a damaging message, implying that women are weaker. It perpetuates the stereotype that men are inherently stronger and that emotions are a sign of weakness. When boys are young, they express their feelings freely, but as they grow, societal expectations can stifle that openness. Being in control all the time isn’t what makes a man; rather, it’s about handling emotions responsibly and confronting uncomfortable feelings.
Breaking the Cycle
Much of this outdated mentality comes from older generations who were raised in a time when emotions were seen as signs of weakness. While they may not know any better, we do. I want my sons to feel free to be themselves without the constraints of traditional masculinity. I will ask them about their feelings just as I would with my daughter, even if they initially brush me off. Ignoring this aspect of their emotional development can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
Ultimately, true strength lies in self-expression. Every parent wants to raise confident, resilient children, regardless of their gender.
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In summary, I will not instruct my sons to “man up.” Instead, I am committed to raising them in an environment where they can express their true selves, fostering emotional strength and resilience along the way.
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