Updated: Sep. 17, 2020
Originally Published: November 7, 2016
You pick your little ones up from school, and everything seems perfectly fine. But as soon as they step through the door, chaos ensues. They become whiny, cranky, moody, and sometimes downright explosive. You can’t help but wonder what on earth happened at school. You might even feel like something is amiss with your children or your parenting skills.
But here’s the truth: it’s the infamous after-school meltdown, and it’s a phenomenon that many families face. I recall my own experiences coming home from school, ravenously hungry and just wanting to collapse on the couch in front of the TV. If my mom dared to ask me how my day went, I was ready to hurl my backpack in frustration.
My kids mirror that same behavior. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with their school; they enjoy it and generally flourish there. The reality is that school can be overwhelming, and they need time to unwind. After sitting still and maintaining good behavior for six hours straight, it’s no wonder they let loose the moment they get home. Yes, sometimes that means they scream and act like little tyrants, but it’s a normal response.
While constant meltdowns are anything but ideal, there is a certain sweetness in knowing that your kids feel safe enough to be themselves at home. At least, that’s how I try to frame it when my kids are sprawled on the floor crying at 3 p.m. and I feel like pulling my hair out.
It’s crucial to remember that these meltdowns are common and will improve as your children grow older. Having navigated this phase for a few years, I can share some strategies to help mitigate the chaos or at least make it a bit more manageable.
Feed Them First
No matter how much they ate at school, kids come home hangry. Providing a snack as soon as they walk in the door can work wonders. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they transition from explosive little monsters to simply moody kids who roll their eyes (which is certainly more bearable).
Don’t Add Fuel to the Fire
Once they’re home, if your child has a meltdown before they’ve even had a chance to eat, keep your cool. Reacting with frustration will only escalate their emotions. Trust me; I’ve been down that road.
Delay Homework and Activities
Some families dive into homework right away, and that’s perfectly fine if it works for you. However, my kids need at least an hour or two of freedom from schoolwork. We also limit extracurricular activities during the early elementary years. It’s a lot for young kids to stay engaged for so many hours throughout the week.
Give Them Space
Allow your children to do whatever they feel like for at least 30 minutes when they get home. Whether it’s playing video games, watching TV, or just running around outside, let them unwind however they choose. Unless they ask for your company, give them the space they need.
Save Your Questions for Later
While you might be eager to hear about their day, don’t bombard them with questions immediately upon arrival. Most kids won’t be very talkative right away. Sometimes, they’ll share details voluntarily, but it’s usually better to let them relax before diving into the day’s events.
Reconnect on Their Terms
Once they’ve had some time to settle, look for opportunities to reconnect. Whether it’s a hug or just a gentle touch on their shoulder, make sure to check in. But don’t force it; let them dictate when they’re ready.
Every child handles the transition from school to home differently. Some adapt easily, while others face significant challenges. If your child falls into the latter category, try not to compare them to others. After-school meltdowns are more common than you may realize, yet not many talk about them.
I know I’ve felt isolated in my struggles with my kids during this transitional time. It can be disheartening to experience a streak of epic meltdowns, but it’s vital to accept this phase for what it is and find ways to ease the process for everyone involved. And for those currently navigating this intense phase, rest assured that it will improve as they grow. Eventually, they’ll come home, no longer overwhelmed, and might even be able to prepare their own snacks—how incredible is that?
So hang in there, do what you must to maintain sanity, and remember that what you’re experiencing is typical and will indeed pass. For more helpful insights, check out this related blog post on our site.
Summary
After-school meltdowns are a common challenge for many families. Understanding that your child needs time to decompress after a long day at school can help. Strategies such as feeding them immediately, giving them space, and reconnecting when they’re ready can ease the transition home. Remember, these meltdowns are normal, and with time, they will improve.
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