When my eldest daughter was just a toddler, a well-meaning friend shared this piece of parenting wisdom: “Make your home the destination for your kids’ friends.” I took that advice to heart, envisioning a future where our house would be the go-to spot for fun.
In my mind, I would create the ultimate hangout zone. We’d invest in a trampoline and the latest gaming consoles, and there would always be a stash of irresistible snacks – the good stuff, not the generic brand. I pictured my dining table surrounded by extra chairs, with kids frequently proclaiming, “Their family is like my second family.”
Fast forward to today. We never did get that trampoline or the gaming system. I don’t leave the fridge door wide open for all the neighborhood kids to raid. Instead, I often find myself sending my kids and their friends outside while the baby naps, and I insist they tidy up after themselves when they drag out half the garage’s contents.
Despite my earlier aspirations, I’ve come to realize that I’m not the fun mom I once thought I’d be – and that’s perfectly fine with me.
I understand the allure of having the cool house. It’s tempting to want your kids to prefer your home as their hangout, especially during those teenage years when you can keep an eye on them. Knowing who they’re with and what they’re doing creates a layer of safety, and I get that. But my focus has shifted.
My priority now is creating a space where my children feel comfortable and loved, not just a spot where their friends want to congregate. It’s about fostering an environment filled with warmth, connection, and acceptance, rather than a home overflowing with gadgets and endless snacks.
Adolescence can be challenging. Reflecting on my own teenage years, I know my daughter will face a whirlwind of social drama, peer pressure, and self-discovery. There will be days filled with hurt feelings and moments of doubt. In those tough times, I want our home to be a sanctuary – a place where she can escape from the outside world and find solace.
Establishing this kind of atmosphere isn’t simple, and I’m navigating it through trial and error like everyone else. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m learning that dedication and time are crucial for this journey.
So, sorry kiddos, but family vacations are likely going to be just us. I know you’d enjoy bringing a friend along, but I’d rather have you at the dinner table playing board games with us. I want you to build lasting bonds with your siblings and to spend quality time with me, where you can truly be yourselves without the worry of how you come across to your friends.
While I don’t think the idea of being the fun mom is inherently bad, I’ve adopted a new mantra: Friends are fun, but family is forever. I once believed it was vital to help my teens build their lives around their friendships. Now, I see my role as crafting a safety net of family support for them. No one loves them unconditionally like their parents and siblings, and I want them to feel that love consistently.
Even on their toughest days, I want them to know that home is where they can be their true selves. And if they occasionally want to invite friends over, I suppose that’s alright too.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this related article on creating a supportive environment for your family here. Additionally, if you’re looking for fertility resources, consider visiting Make A Mom for at-home insemination kits, or explore this guide for understanding the IVF process.
In summary, I’ve come to embrace the idea that being the ‘fun mom’ isn’t my goal. Instead, I prioritize creating a loving, supportive home environment where my children feel safe and accepted, knowing that family bonds are what truly matter in the long run.
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