Two years ago, while giving my 7-year-old son, Alex, a haircut in our master bathroom, he asked, “Do tattoos hurt?” I was casually dressed in gym shorts, and Alex was perched on a step stool in his underwear. It was the first time he had brought up my tattoos, and I had to think about how to answer him.
I have three tattoos: one on each shoulder and another on my right calf. They include a blue sun, an abstract face with headphones connected to a bomb (a nod to my favorite punk album), and, unfortunately, the Grim Reaper. When Alex was just two, I recall sitting in the living room with a towel wrapped around my waist after a shower. He stood on the arm of the sofa, his tiny face level with my shoulder, and touched one of my tattoos. His curious expression told me he noticed that I was more colorful than he was. At that moment, I realized this conversation about my tattoos was inevitable.
My first tattoo, the Grim Reaper, was inked when I was just 19. When I showed it to my mother, she burst into tears. “Do you know how hard I worked for that body?” she lamented. Back then, I thought her reaction was over-the-top and conservative. But now, my tattoos remind me of a past filled with anxiety, depression, and grief from losing my father. The Grim Reaper symbolizes a darker time in my life, and as I reflect on it, I realize how much I’ve changed since then.
When I got my tattoos, the concept of “forever” didn’t seem daunting. I once listened to a TED Talk about how people envision their futures; many assume they will remain essentially the same, just older and perhaps a bit heavier. However, looking back, it’s clear how much I’ve grown. My tattoos now feel like remnants of a rebellious youth that clash with my identity as a dedicated father and university employee.
The challenge with tattoos is that many people cherish theirs as reminders of joyful moments, such as the birth of a child or an unforgettable trip. Unfortunately, that’s not my experience. I got my tattoos during a carefree time, yet they now serve as reminders of a person I no longer am. Like most parents, I want my kids to be better than I was. I hope they don’t make the same mistakes I did or find themselves burdened by regrets tied to their choices.
After I answered Alex’s question about the pain of tattoos, I explained the process of getting one. “They can hurt, especially after a few hours,” I said, holding up the clippers for emphasis. When he asked if tattoos ever fade away, I admitted that removal was an option, but financially, it just wasn’t feasible for our family right now. His big eyes communicated that he understood the weight of “forever.”
“Yeah,” I continued. “As long as I’m alive, these tattoos will be with me. One day, your friends might want to get tattoos, and they could encourage you to join in, just like mine did.” I shared my honest feelings about my ink, expressing that I regret them in many ways. They feel like a permanent shirt I can’t take off, and as time passes, they become more faded and outdated. The thought of removal seems daunting, especially with the responsibilities of family life. I never considered these implications at 19.
Alex, with a hint of confusion in his gaze, said, “19 is kind of old.” I chuckled, realizing how my perspective had shifted over the years. I reassured him of my unconditional love, saying, “If you ever choose to get tattoos, you will always be my son. But I hope you don’t make the same choices I did.” I added, “If you do decide to get inked, make sure it represents something meaningful and joyful in your life.”
As we continued with the haircut, I marveled at his perfect little body. I could finally understand my mom’s tears when she first saw my tattoo—she wanted me to remain that innocent child without scars. “Does this make sense?” I asked. Alex looked up, half his hair cut, and replied, “Not really.” I smiled and said, “That’s okay. I’m still working it out myself.”
For those navigating similar feelings about tattoos and parenthood, we encourage you to explore more about the impact of choices and regrets in our blog post. If you’re considering family planning, reputable resources like Make a Mom offer excellent products for at-home insemination kits. Additionally, for further information on infertility and pregnancy, check out Mount Sinai’s resources.
In summary, tattoos can represent more than just art; they can embody memories of our past selves, which may not align with who we are today. As parents, it’s essential to guide our children through their choices, helping them to avoid the regrets we may carry.
Leave a Reply