Updated: June 8, 2020 | Originally Published: Oct. 20, 2016
If you’re not already acquainted with attachment parenting, it’s a style that typically includes co-sleeping, feeding on demand, promptly responding to a baby’s cries, and employing gentle discipline. If this approach doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly okay. This isn’t a critique of traditional parenting styles, which undoubtedly offer their own benefits that I may not fully understand.
However, I can share my insights on attachment parenting—having embraced it with all four of our children. For those parents who find themselves peering at their peacefully sleeping child and worrying about spoiling them, or for the mother feeling like a walking pacifier, or the couple who hasn’t had a weekend away since welcoming their little one, this message is for you.
We never set out to be attachment parents. When our first child was born, we hadn’t really contemplated our parenting philosophy; attachment parenting just unfolded naturally for us.
From the moment our son arrived, he slept better in our presence, and consequently, we did too. We quickly became a co-sleeping family. Given my inclination to avoid rigid schedules, it felt intuitive to breastfeed on demand, day and night. This made leaving our first child for any amount of time nearly impossible, so we simply didn’t. As for those cumbersome baby carriers? They wreaked havoc on my back, so I opted to carry my baby in my arms or use a sling instead.
Before we knew it, we were all in on attachment parenting. While this approach felt natural and enjoyable, I still grappled with doubts about our choices (despite support from my parents and the wisdom of Dr. Sears).
There were certainly challenging moments that made me question our decisions. When our firstborn reached four, he experienced severe separation anxiety. Had we made him too reliant on us? By age five, our second child was still crawling into our bed at night. Was this normal? Our third child wanted to be held almost constantly during her first year and a half. Was this acceptable? And by the time our fourth child came along, he wasn’t speaking as early as his siblings. Had we spoiled him by anticipating his needs?
Looking back, I wish I had known then what I know now: my children would thrive. They are far from grown, with only one having left the nest and the youngest at 12 years old, but so far, so good. I genuinely appreciate the individuals they are becoming. While I don’t attribute their wonderful qualities solely to attachment parenting, I do believe that being raised with such abundant love has significantly influenced their development.
Long-Term Benefits of Attachment Parenting
Based on my experience, here are some long-term benefits of attachment parenting:
- Attachment children are compassionate.
While my kids aren’t perfect, they strive to treat others with kindness—whether it’s to me, each other, or their peers at school. I believe attachment kids naturally expect kindness because they have consistently received love and gentle discipline. - Attachment children are self-reliant.
A common critique of attachment parenting is that it fosters dependency. I couldn’t disagree more. While they may not have been independent at ages three or four, as tweens and teens, they exhibit confidence and capability. The security derived from attachment parenting seems to nurture their independence. - Attachment children are affectionate.
Although it has been some time since we’ve heard the soft pitter-patter of little feet in the middle of the night (trust me, they do eventually sleep in their own beds!), my kids continue to be snugglers. My 12-year-old still loves to curl up beside us during movie time, while my teenage daughters share hugs and laughter over their favorite shows. - Attachment children have healthy relationships.
Despite warnings against being overly friendly with your children, we’ve developed a genuine friendship with ours. While we maintain authority and do not treat them like adults, we genuinely enjoy spending time together. This camaraderie often leads to a more harmonious parent-child dynamic, even during those notoriously turbulent teenage years. - Attachment children share strong sibling ties.
Sure, my kids squabble, just like those of my attachment parenting friends. Yet, beneath the occasional bickering lies a deep-rooted love, likely stemming from the strong family bonds cultivated through attachment parenting. - Attachment children are joyful.
Every attachment child I know, including my own, radiates happiness. They’ve spent their early years enveloped in the loving arms of their parents, receiving the affection they need. Dr. Sears likens attachment parenting to nourishing a hungry child. Just as withholding food exacerbates hunger, neglecting a child’s need for attention and love only deepens emotional distress. Attachment children have been nurtured emotionally, resulting in healthy and happy individuals.
Attachment parenting isn’t the singular path to raising children, and my kids are certainly not perfect. I have made my fair share of parenting mistakes. But I genuinely like who they are becoming.
I’m not a parenting guru, nor do I claim to be. When I was a young mother, it wasn’t the experts who alleviated my worries; it was other mothers sharing their experiences. Attachment parenting worked for us, and if you find yourself resonating with this approach, take a deep breath and relish the journey. Though it can be demanding at times, remember that this phase is fleeting. You’re creating invaluable memories and nurturing amazing kids. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog post and consider visiting this resource for reliable at-home insemination kits. Additionally, the Center for Reproductive Health offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, attachment parenting can lead to compassionate, self-reliant, affectionate, and joyful children. While it’s not the only way to parent, it has undoubtedly shaped the wonderful individuals my kids are becoming.
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