My 9-year-old son, Alex, recently indulged in a rather questionable snack—he ate a booger right in front of me. With a cheeky grin, he proclaimed, “Delicious!”
We were in the backyard tackling weeds, a chore initiated by my partner, and Alex surprisingly volunteered to join me. His enthusiasm for both weeding and bonding was a rare treat.
As parents, we often find ourselves in an awkward dance of mutual embarrassment. I see him as a messy, carefree boy I want to embrace, while he perceives me as the overly affectionate dad in cargo shorts and a polo, whose advice on hygiene and style is decidedly outdated. I can’t help but wonder how to guide this booger-snacking, carefree child into a respectable young man.
“Hey, Alex,” I ventured, “One day, you might eat a booger in front of someone you really like. They’ll probably find it gross, while you’ll still think they’re cute. That moment will be so cringeworthy, you’ll never want to eat another booger again.”
He rolled his eyes, the usual response to my life lessons. We resumed our weeding in silence, and I pondered how many times Alex had indulged in a booger around others. A wave of shame washed over me, making me question my parenting skills.
Out of the blue, Alex asked a question I wasn’t prepared for: “Did you ever eat a booger in front of Mom?”
I chuckled. “Nope! I outgrew that before I met your mom. Can you imagine how embarrassed I would’ve been?” Then, a question bubbled to the surface that I’d held back for far too long. “Do I embarrass you?”
He was entering that pre-preteen phase, where I’d often warned him to act a bit more reserved since he was making us look bad. I’d chastised him for the occasional fart joke during family gatherings, and sometimes I even suggested he ought to be embarrassed for certain antics—essentially projecting my own discomfort onto him.
It’s not that he embarrassed me overall—I adore that kid. He’s sharp and hilarious. However, as his father, I felt responsible for molding him into an upstanding young man who wouldn’t do anything too embarrassing, someone who is ready for dating and the job market.
Recently, though, I noticed he was clearly mortified by my actions—not for the silly things he did, but because of me.
After contemplating my question, Alex shrugged and said, “Only when you hug me in front of my friends.”
I had my suspicions. Not long ago, I dropped him off at school, and he bolted from the car, dodging heavy morning traffic just to avoid a hug. Part of me wished he’d come close to getting a little scared—just to teach him a lesson about avoiding hugs. But no such drama unfolded. Instead, I simply stopped hugging him in public, realizing how desperate I must’ve seemed as a father. The thought of him darting into traffic terrified me.
Over the past year, I’ve gradually ceased many public displays of affection. No more hand-holding, kisses, or comments about his hair, which often looks like half of a superhero cut. I’ve reserved my affectionate gestures for the privacy of home.
“I figured as much,” I said. “But I don’t really get why.”
He didn’t elaborate on how his friends might tease him for hugging me or how he was navigating the complexities of growing up. He merely shrugged. So I made a promise: “Alright, I won’t hug you in front of your friends anymore. Sound good?”
His relieved smile hit me like a ton of bricks, making me feel a pang of loss. It was a clear sign that a part of him was slipping away, confirming my fears. I reached out, needing reassurance. “You still love me, right?”
Alex glanced around, checking for onlookers before he wrapped his arms around me. As he pulled away, I lingered for a moment longer, trying to savor every bit of his childhood innocence. But he shot me a sideways glance that said, “Dad, you’re embarrassing me again.”
“Sorry,” I murmured, and he half-smiled as we resumed our weeding task.
This is the reality of parenting a preteen, a bittersweet phase where affection shifts to the sidelines because, let’s be honest, parents are often a source of embarrassment. Yet, as every parent knows, there’s something incredibly heartwarming about a hug from your child, even if it only happens in the backyard when no one else is around. If you’re navigating similar parenting challenges, consider exploring resources on home insemination or parenting tips, such as those found in this blog post here and check out reliable options like this at-home insemination kit. For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is a fantastic place to start.
Summary
Parenting a preteen comes with its fair share of embarrassing moments, both for parents and children alike. As kids grow, their need for independence often leads to a shift in affection, leaving parents grappling with feelings of loss. Despite the challenges, the bond of love remains strong, even if expressed in private moments.
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