Dear Friend,
I just received the joyful news about your pregnancy. Congratulations on joining the beautiful journey of motherhood! The upcoming months will undoubtedly be filled with a mix of excitement, fatigue, and anxious anticipation as you embrace the highs and lows of this remarkable experience while dreaming of the moment you’ll finally hold your precious baby.
There are a few things I feel compelled to share with you, as I want to ensure that my words and actions don’t inadvertently hurt you as time passes. First and foremost, I want you to know that I genuinely care for you and the little one growing inside you. I wish for your child to arrive healthy and safe, and for you to relish every moment of this incredible journey.
However, as you may be aware, my own pregnancy ended in heartbreak not too long ago. I understand that I may be the shadow in the room, a reminder that even the most straightforward pregnancies can take a tragic turn despite medical advancements and exceptional prenatal care. My story serves as a painful reminder of the reality that not all pregnancies end in joy.
So if I mention my own pregnancy experiences while we are together, please know it’s not to dim your happiness. I carried a beautiful baby girl whose name I treasure, but she only lived for two days. It’s a topic many shy away from discussing, which is why I bring it up.
If I offer advice about the significance of monitoring your baby’s movements or the importance of kick counting, it’s not to frighten you. I’m all too aware of how swiftly a seemingly healthy pregnancy can take a turn for the worse, and I want to protect you from the pain that I’ve endured.
I hope I don’t seem dismissive when you share “normal” pregnancy topics like your birth plan. I too had a plan that was tossed aside in a desperate attempt to save my daughter’s life. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough, and I still bear the scars of an emergency C-section. It may be challenging for me to grasp why a medication-free childbirth is so important to you when I would have given anything just to bring home a living baby. Nonetheless, I will do my utmost to support you.
Please understand that I may struggle to fully share in your pregnancy joys. I once thought I was being selfish for feeling less than thrilled for other women expecting babies, but I now realize that it’s not about spite. You have a loving family and friends surrounding you, and you absolutely deserve that celebration.
It’s not that I’m withholding my happiness out of resentment—rather, I simply have no joy left to give. It would be as if I asked you to imagine the devastation of holding your baby for the first time only to discover they wouldn’t survive. That would be incredibly unfair to you. I hope that one day, I can feel joy again when it comes to pregnancy and new life, but for now, they are painful reminders of what I have lost.
I am committed to being a supportive friend during this journey. If I say or do something that unintentionally hurts you, please let me know. But I also ask for your understanding as I prioritize my healing during this time. Even though I don’t have living children, I am still a mother. I want to hear about your little one, but please also allow me to talk about my daughter. She may not be here physically, but she remains just as real and significant as your baby.
With all my love,
Your Friend and Fellow Mama
Leave a Reply