When chatting with a friend recently, she inquired about when I planned to discuss sex with my kids. At that time, they were 4, 5, and 7 years old. To her surprise, I revealed that I had already broached the subject with each of them. “Wow! I thought I had until middle school!” she exclaimed. While her approach sounded appealing, I learned the hard way that I had missed the crucial window with my first two children. They were exposed to conversations about sex from their peers just weeks into kindergarten, which was both shocking and disappointing.
I distinctly remember the moment my oldest son returned from his first few days of kindergarten and innocently asked if sex was when you rubbed your bodies together. Alarmed, I realized I needed to address this issue immediately. I thought perhaps there was a “bad” influence in his class, but soon after, my daughter shared that her friends, Tommy and Sarah, “made sex on the bus.” Apparently, even 5-year-olds have their own version of these discussions.
After speaking with their teachers—who assured me that such conversations aren’t uncommon—I had to accept that my kids would encounter topics far earlier than I anticipated. Ah, parenthood—are we ever truly prepared?
Both conversations I had with my children were straightforward and surprisingly uneventful. Their reactions were ones of sheer disgust when I clarified what sex really was. Although they didn’t have further questions at that moment, their continued inquiries over time reassured me that they felt safe coming to me. I emphasized that sex discussions should remain private and reserved for trusted adults, ideally their father or me. I admit, I was anxious that they might still share this information at school. No one wants to be the parent whose child gives sexual education lectures on the playground.
Before my youngest entered kindergarten, I took the initiative to have brief conversations with him about his body and sex. I was honest, avoiding euphemisms for body parts, and I didn’t shy away from his innocent questions. I listened and gauged when he was ready to move on, ensuring that I was the primary source of information for him.
Through research, I discovered that children often begin to show interest in sexuality around age 4. Because children are often unaware that discussing such topics might be inappropriate, it’s essential to educate them on what is suitable and what isn’t. I consistently remind my kids that sexual education is an adult responsibility and encourage them to approach me if they have questions or if someone makes them uncomfortable.
Now that my children are older—13, 11, and almost 10—it’s much easier to engage in more detailed discussions about sex. Given the wealth of information available online, I need to maintain an open dialogue. I’m confident that my kids feel comfortable approaching me with questions, thanks to the foundation we built early on. While it’s never guaranteed they will come to me, I’ve made every effort to keep the lines of communication open.
I firmly believe that starting the sex talk at a young age was the right choice for my family. I want my children to grow up without any shame surrounding such an important topic. This early openness has facilitated discussions about other significant issues, such as alcohol, drugs, relationships, abuse, and consent, making these conversations much more manageable.
While this approach may not suit every family, it has worked well for us. I chose to speak with each child individually to minimize any silliness associated with the topic. Each conversation was unique, and I recognize that different families may take various paths, as every child absorbs information differently. Ultimately, you must find what feels right for you as a parent. For me, initiating conversations about sex early on has brought peace of mind, which is invaluable in today’s world.
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In summary, engaging in the sex talk with my children before kindergarten was a proactive choice that has fostered openness and trust. By starting these conversations early, I’ve equipped my children with the knowledge and confidence to navigate complex topics as they grow.
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