Today was one of those days when I completely lost my cool with my energetic 4-year-old daughter, Lily. The same little girl who fills my days with laughter, hugs, and sweet little drawings. She’s the one who insists on saving every bug we encounter and proudly declares “sparkle” as her favorite color.
After being home sick for two days with a nasty cold and waking up at 5 AM because she couldn’t breathe, I knew she needed a nap. I, on the other hand, desperately needed her to nap so I could tackle my mounting work deadlines. My partner had been working late all week, leaving me sleep-deprived and irritable. Lily was cranky; I was cranky. The perfect storm was brewing.
And of course, when I tried to get her to sleep, she fought me tooth and nail. With every protest, more snot flew out of her nose. I attempted soothing her with bedtime stories and gentle rocking, but nothing worked. Frustration bubbled over, and before I knew it, I shouted. I handled her roughly as I placed her on the bed, anger pulsing through me.
I rarely lose my temper. Sure, I can get upset or raise my voice, but I usually manage to keep it in check. I’ve seen parents erupt in anger before, and I vowed never to be that parent myself. Yet here I was.
Lily immediately began to cry, trembling. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, burying her head in my shoulder. In that moment, I was struck by her unwavering trust in me, which only intensified my guilt. Anger and remorse swirled within me as I realized I had let her down.
I apologized repeatedly, and thankfully, she accepted my words before drifting off to sleep against me. With her small body relaxed in my arms, I exhaled the heavy weight of frustration. The anger dissipated, replaced by overwhelming sadness and shame. I whispered, “I’m so sorry, my love,” into her hair as tears fell.
Even hours later, I couldn’t shake the feeling of having done something awful. Why do we, as parents, put ourselves through this?
Certainly, there are parents who should feel guilt for the way they treat their children. Emotional or physical abuse is never acceptable. But even in the absence of abuse, maintaining a peaceful home environment is vital. It’s essential to practice self-care and mindfulness to prevent frustration from spilling over onto our kids.
I genuinely believe that children are remarkably perceptive; they absorb our emotional states like sponges. Hence, we should strive to be gentle with them whenever possible. However, I also think that many of us are unnecessarily hard on ourselves. Practicing gentle or mindful parenting doesn’t equate to perfection. All parents will have moments when they falter; it’s part of the journey.
What matters is the overall relationship you build with your children. If you’re mindful and actively working to treat your kids with kindness, you’re doing better than most. It’s not about a single bad day but rather the trust you’ve nurtured over time. That trust is resilient, and your children will forgive you far more easily than you might expect.
So, if you ever lose your temper (and trust me, it will happen), take a deep breath, apologize, embrace their forgiveness, and move on. You have the privilege of raising some truly wonderful souls. Remember, it’s the big picture that counts.
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Summary
It’s essential to forgive ourselves when we lose our tempers with our children. Parenting is a challenging journey filled with ups and downs, and no one is perfect. What truly matters is the overall relationship we build with our kids, marked by trust and love. When we falter, acknowledging our mistakes and moving forward is crucial.
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