Whenever I come across discussions surrounding children and their eating habits—especially those that delve into the realm of picky eaters—I’m often met with a barrage of comments asserting, “In our household, kids eat what’s served, or they don’t eat at all.” This approach, often summarized as the “eat it or starve” philosophy, frequently emerges as a proposed solution to the challenges of picky eating. As a mother of a selective eater, I’ve had well-meaning individuals suggest alternatives when it comes to feeding my child, believing they have the winning strategy.
In theory, I appreciate the idea. I completely understand that preparing separate meals for a picky eater can be overwhelming and, quite frankly, a source of stress. I wish for a magical scenario where I could whip up one meal for the entire family and everyone would happily dig in without hesitation. However, the reality is that for true picky eaters, this method simply falls flat—it’s almost laughable, and any parent who has experienced this will concur.
Understanding True Picky Eaters
To clarify, we need to establish what constitutes a true picky eater. These are not just the typical toddlers who suddenly refuse everything that isn’t a carb. Picky eaters have exhibited their selectiveness from the moment they began eating solids, and they may have even been finicky during breastfeeding or bottle-feeding. These children often have intense aversions to specific foods and can be quite particular about what they will allow to touch their lips. Many also experience sensory sensitivities, which means they may be particular not just about food textures but also about the feel of their clothing and other items.
Picky eaters typically maintain a limited list of acceptable foods and are unlikely to stray from it for quite some time. For instance, my picky eater loved pizza, but only from a specific local pizzeria. Even when offered what appeared to be the same dish from a different establishment, he would take one bite and declare it entirely different. To him, those two pizzas were as dissimilar as night and day.
The Nature of Picky Eating
It’s essential to recognize that picky eaters are born this way. I have two sons: one is a classic picky eater while the other is an occasional selective eater. Despite providing both with the same loving, nutritious meals—including extended breastfeeding and a focus on fruits and veggies—I saw stark differences in their eating habits from the start. When I first introduced solid foods to my picky son, you would have thought I served him something inedible (it was just a banana). In contrast, my other son devoured avocado within seconds and asked for more.
I tried every strategy available with my picky eater. We encouraged him to sample various foods multiple times, adhering to the idea that it takes numerous tries before a child can determine if they like something. However, he typically made up his mind after the first bite and refused to budge, no matter how many times we insisted he try it again. The “eat it or starve” approach fell flat—he would simply skip meals rather than eat something he didn’t want (and I could never bear the thought of sending a hungry child to bed).
When my non-picky eater turns down a meal, I can confidently say, “Spaghetti and meatballs are what’s for dinner. If you don’t want it, that’s fine.” A few moments pass, and he usually concedes, albeit reluctantly, before polishing off his plate. Picky eaters, however, are an entirely different breed. They are unwavering in their preferences and won’t relent easily. If you haven’t navigated this daily battle of wills, please resist the urge to offer unsolicited advice—we’ve heard it all before.
Understanding the Journey
It’s important not to judge parents of picky eaters or assume that we’re coddling our kids. We didn’t create their pickiness. Research suggests that many picky eaters will grow out of some of their aversions eventually, but it may take years—sometimes into their teenage years. Some may remain somewhat selective throughout adulthood (and you probably know a few adults who fit this description).
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept my son’s pickiness more gracefully. Yes, there are times I prepare separate meals for him when I know he won’t touch anything I make. I strive to avoid shaming him for his preferences; he genuinely struggles with it. Thankfully, I’ve noticed gradual improvements. At 9 ½, he’s becoming more open to new foods and less rigid about his choices. He now enjoys pizza from a handful of places, including my homemade version! While he still has his limits, this is progress, and I’m incredibly proud of him for it.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, parenting a picky eater can be challenging, but understanding and patience are key. Each child is unique, and with time, many picky eaters do become more adventurous eaters.
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