15 Common Parenting Phrases That Aren’t Really Helpful

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My father used to say, “You can sit in your mess kit, but eventually, you’ll have to eat it.” While I get what he meant—essentially that our actions have consequences—the imagery leaves much to be desired. Seriously, who would eat something like that? Even the most desperate survivalists on shows like Naked and Afraid wouldn’t resort to such extremes, and they’re literally starving for weeks on end.

The beauty of parenting little ones is they haven’t yet been exposed to the vast array of ridiculous phrases that adults often toss around. Their vocabulary is limited to what they hear at home and on children’s programming. And honestly, most of the time, they’re not even paying attention.

For years, I wrestled with my dad’s saying, and even now, at my not-so-27 age, I still think it’s one of the least effective ways to impart wisdom. As parents, we often find ourselves reaching for phrases that are more about filtering our thoughts than offering real guidance. For instance, saying, “Oh my word, what is that smell under your bed?” is a lot more palatable than, “What the hell died in here?” It’s filler language, plain and simple.

Here are some other classic phrases that might not be doing us any favors:

1. You KNOW.
   No, they don’t, and frankly, neither do you. This phrase is just as nonsensical as “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”—only much less fun.
2. Are you kidding me?!
   Of course, that flour explosion wasn’t a prank. Save this for rhetorical moments; toddlers aren’t in on the joke yet.
3. Knock it off!
   Let’s be real. If your child is about to make a mess, just tell them to stop whatever they’re doing instead of using vague commands.
4. I’m done.
   More often than not, you were done ages ago, but parental obligations keep you in the game for the long haul. Just add this to your list of filler phrases while you clean up yet another disaster.
5. WOW!
   This exclamation is rarely used for genuine surprise. It’s usually an expression of frustration when you just can’t find the right words.
6. This is ridiculous!
   It is, but your kids won’t grasp the full extent of your exasperation while they’re busy chasing the cat around the house.
7. You’ve got another think coming.
   This is often followed by an order, but it’s just a convoluted way of saying, “You need to go to bed.”
8. If you’re going to do something, do it right.
   Great advice, but if they’re using a broom wrong, maybe you should just show them instead of preaching.
9. No one ever said that life was fair.
   True, but your child just lost their ice cream cone; they don’t need a life lesson right now.
10. I don’t give a rat’s ass.
    Good for you, but I doubt many people want to hear about rodent anatomy.
11. So help me.
    Who is this “So”? And how exactly can they assist you in this moment?
12. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
    Unless you’re at a kid’s event, this saying is lost on children.
13. To assume is to make an ass out of you and me.
    A lesson in both spelling and life, but let’s face it, it’s a bit dated.
14. You can wish in one hand and crap in the other.
    Why would anyone want to do that? Just another confusing phrase.
15. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.
    Because what kid doesn’t want a box of mixed nuts on the holiday?

While we can’t cover every silly saying, I’m sure you have a few favorites from your own upbringing. It seems each generation has its own set of peculiar phrases, way more colorful than the tired “I’m done” or “So help me.” Life isn’t always fair, and communicating that to kids can be a challenge. That’s where these quirky phrases come in—because how do you express the inexpressible? You wing it, much like parenting—one day at a time, one phrase at a time.

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In summary, while these phrases might sound familiar, they often don’t add real value to our conversations with our kids. Instead, they serve as placeholders for our frustrations and confusion in the chaotic journey of parenting.