The Homework Drinking Game: A Survival Strategy for Parents

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Homework can feel like a cruel punishment, am I right? It was frustrating back in my school days, and now, as a parent, it seems even worse. My kids have an avalanche of assignments, and I’m not exaggerating. Last Friday, my son walked in with a staggering 96 algebra problems – for one class! Seriously, who thought this was a good idea, especially on a weekend during football season?

Let’s be real. Homework can be a real drag. To cope with the chaos, I thought, why not turn it into a drinking game? It won’t necessarily speed up the homework process, but it might just make the experience a bit more bearable.

Here’s how to play:

• Take one sip every time you have to remind your child to focus. Example: “Stop chasing the cat and finish your homework.”
• Sip once if you find yourself using a kitchen knife to sharpen a pencil because none of the 43 plastic sharpeners are anywhere to be found, and your mechanical pencil is out of lead.
• Sip if you embark on a scavenger hunt to find an adequate eraser since the one on the pencil has been completely worn down or chewed off.
• Enjoy a gulp when your child needs glue, and you find yourself questioning why these tasks are assigned to be done at home. Didn’t we send the Elmer’s to school?
• Take a gulp every time you ask, “Are you sure your teacher said to do it this way? That’s not how we did it when I was in school.”
• Gulp for every audible sigh or eye roll from you or your child.
• Sip if your child has a meltdown over not finding the right crayon color for their masterpiece. Double the sips if you end up debating that apricot is an acceptable substitute for peach. Triple it if you’re a person of color trying to find your shade amidst crayons named “Burnt Umber” and “Fuzzy Wuzzy.”
• If you find yourself doing mental math to verify your child’s answers, take two sips. Double that if you can’t do it without moving your lips.
• Sip twice if you have to count on your fingers or reach for a calculator.
• Take three sips when you wonder if dinner will ever get made due to homework distractions.
• Sip three times for every text or call you have to make to a fellow mom for assignment details your kid forgot to bring home.
• Enjoy three gulps every time you contact your child’s teacher for information that supposedly went home but has vanished.

Bonus Rounds:

• Chug if you learn about a project due tomorrow that requires supplies you don’t have at home. (Make sure someone else makes a store run!)
• When your child informs you of a big assignment due tomorrow and says they’ve known about it for over a week: take a shot.
• If your little one breaks the strap on their backpack within two months of school starting: take a shot.
• Every time you need to Google or watch a YouTube video to figure out a math problem: take a shot.
• If your child digs out a fundraiser catalog from their backpack and excitedly shares how they can win a 32-cent toy for selling 75 items: take a double shot.
• If they bring home a case of chocolate bars for a fundraiser, skip the shot and instead indulge in the entire box while writing them a check.

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In summary, the homework struggle is real, and turning it into a drinking game might just be the lifeline you need. With a little humor and creativity, we can tackle the endless assignments and survive the chaos together.